…the answers to the most asked questions of the night.
So I went to my 20 year high school reunion this past weekend. Really there was no reason not to go. It was within driving distance and I was going to share the hotel room with a friend. After all, I was reminded over and over from my GBF (who did not attend, btw) that I had missed our 10 year reunion and made him go. (No, I am not bitter) Back to the point at hand, I had such a spectacular time and honestly, I am a bit surprised.
My GBF was bound and determined not to go because he felt strongly that the people from high school that were meaningful were already involved in his life. I think a part of it was that he didn’t want to explain to dozens of people that in fact, he is gay. That was the question most asked of me when I explained that my GBF and I lived together for years and remained very close. My answer was always, “Yes he is, but we all already knew that, didn’t we?” C’mon people.
I saw the reunion as an opportunity to reconnect, share some stories, and hopefully have my mind changed about who I thought people were. We all had our high school drama growing up, didn’t we? In high school, we make presumptions about people. We were friends with some, but not others for stupid reasons. We categorized people and I’m sure people did the same with me. I arrived at GHS as a new girl from Texas whose skirt was regulation height, however at my new school there were no teachers measuring skirts. I will never forget seeing a girl with a bathing suit top covered by a Corona tank top sitting in front of me on my first day of school. I was both appalled and delighted by the new fashion (or lack thereof) opportunities. Please know the anxiety of fitting in was always present for this new girl.
The reunion was no exception. Of course my first thoughts were, “what am I going to wear?!?!” After charging up a storm to find just the right dress and shoes, I settled on a dress I thought was relaxed and pretty, more fun and less vavavoom. (Thanks Lola and boys for your input and yes, I returned –reluctantly- the other dresses and shoes.) Once that was settled, I wanted to give some thought about how to answer the cursory questions one would ask after not seeing you over the last 20 years. How do you briefly sum up your life so that it’s a bit more funny and refreshing than reporting your status (married w/two children, living in San Diego). And what questions would I ask? I only went to GHS for two years, so I was particularly concerned if I was even going to recognize people there, let alone remember their names. And you should know, that when I moved I landed in a particularly great group of people – friendly, fun, good students in a sheltered suburb of L.A.
I have to say some of the most awkward moments of the reunion were in the beginning. I felt like a Seinfield episode was playing out in a moment and I was caught between the discomfort and wanting to bust out laughing not knowing what to do. Let me explain…My friend Kerri, reunion organizer and childhood resident of our town (read: she should know everyone!), hosted a champagne pre-party in her room. Our group of girlfriends showed up first, but shortly thereafter another group of girls joined the party. I somewhat recognized them, but should have brushed up on my yearbook to have remembered their names. They were the more studious girls and had their own clique. I don’t think I ever really talked to them in school as we were just in different circles. As they arrived, hugs were going all around, but I was riddled with questions and anxiety! Look, I’m friendly and love meeting new people, but I froze in etiquette confusion. To hug or not to hug…that was the question.
What was the appropriate level of greeting enthusiasm for people that I barely knew 20 years ago? Of course, I automatically leaned in for a mild hug because she’s hugging toward me and I didn’t want it to be weird. But really, do you hug someone whose name you don’t know in any other circumstance? Does the shared experience of going the same school or knowing each others’ faces because you were alphabetically arranged near each other for a year (lockers, class rooms, graduation, etc.) grant hug status? I wasn’t sure and honestly a little freaked out about how to progress through the night. I decided a friendly hello would be my greeting to those faces that looked somewhat familiar. I wasn’t going in for the hug unless I really knew them and meant it. Kerri, during our post-reunion re-hash, laughed about the discomfort of having her picture taken with someone she doesn’t think she said more than a dozen words to in the past 30 years.
I got to say thanks to the guy who asked me on my first date. I got to offer condolences to a friend whose twin brother had passed away. I laughed so hard with my prom date and we shared some true confessions over a drink (nothing sexy you dirty minds!). I was surprised by how incredible the women looked and how some people’s sense of humor never left. I got to dance with my girls and rehash some great stories. I let go of some stupid high school grudges and things that were said many years ago. I gave myself and others an opportunity for a fresh start. And I learned a new way to chase tequila shots (with tomato juice…kills the burn!).
Looking back over the night, I wish I didn’t hesitate with the hug and I wished I would have figured out the stunning mystery blonde sooner so that I could have talked with her. Certainly I will always have uncertainty about some things, but I’m okay with it because the night was a great celebration of community and shared experience. The friends that decided not to go (or couldn’t) were sorely missed. And yes, my hair was blonde in high school, but hasn’t been for a very long time (the odd and second most asked question of the night). Cheers GHS and thanks for a great night to remember!
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