My husband is like Archie Bunker sometimes. He’s often a curmudgeon, grumpy old man and he’s not even 40 yet (NOT that 40 is old! Please don’t get me wrong.). Sometimes I think we’re polar opposites; he’s not big on socializing, he’s fiscally conservative and he holds his peace until he really has something to say (most the time I say too much). He also has a very dry, but wicked sense of humor that I love. Unlike Archie, he’s a fantastic dad and I feel that overall we share equally in the raising of the kids and housework/management. He’s hard working, stable, and great athlete and has a sharp mind. Alas, he’s also a Guy. One who is not high on the emotional depth perception, feeling contentiousness, or relationship care charts (if ever there is such a thing). I could relate to Mama Kat’s post, My Man Is Not Roses.
But it’s okay. Truly. I know I’ve got a GOOD man. I love him for all that he is just like he loves me for all that I am. Well…with the exception of my exorbitant student loan and that I withheld sex until he finally had his vasectomy. Apparently those are unforgiveable. But other than that we have a great partnership and deep love for one another.
I was talking to a heather today while at the park. She said something interesting to me. She said that sometimes she thinks that being a wife is harder than being a mom. For her, being a mom comes more naturally, it’s the wife/marriage part that she really has to work at. I couldn’t agree more. Actually, I have to work at both, as I wouldn’t easily call myself a natural mother. I’m a good mother, but often it can be a little rough around the edges.
And not like there’s anything wrong with our marriages. We compared notes – both hard working, committed and active fathers, good men that we both love dearly, and feel like it’s all good. But for some reason marriage takes more effort, attention and care. Maybe because we both believe so strongly that we’re going to go the distance and grow old with our husbands. We hold a very long (50+ years-holy shit!) time horizon with them. And when you know you’re going the distance, it’s a different kind of race. It takes different skills that we don’t see modeled well or frequently. It reminds me of the Timbuk 3 song, “I Need You” where he sings: The road is full of dangerous curves, We don’t want to go to fast, We may not make it first, But I know we’re gonna make it last.”
Look, sometimes I get troubled and restless or I go off on my complaints, but I know deep in my heart that he is mine and I am his. Our love will endure. We’re in this together and damn, it’s good. Okay, we should probably have more sex, but that’s not something I think Husband would want me to talk about on my blog.
So what’s with all the lovey dovey? I’ve been thinking a lot about my marriage after reading Loving Frank, Valentine’s Day and having a visit from a childhood friend. My marriage is a good, solid, regular kind of marriage. Nothing really fancy about it. Nothing over the top or overly dramatic. It’s not boring and I know that I am loved. That my marriage is so ordinary and normal, I also find that it is extraordinary. I know that I’m lucky. I thank my stars that I aligned my orbit with his over eight years ago. I’m grateful.
We’re celebrating Valentine’s Day tonight since we both don’t believe in the manufactured love, marketing and money of the holiday. So we scheduled it out when Lola could watch the boys and we didn’t need reservations. I’m really looking forward to a night that Husband planned and put some good thought into. He does have his moments. I can’t wait to see him and throw my arms around him tonight and say “I love my man!”
Oh and would y’all please remind me of this post when he’s driving me the most crazy! It’s gonna happen. I’m sure of it, but now I’m gonna bask in my love and appreciation. Cheers friends!
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I loved this book!!!! I read it over the summer and is a must read. I fell in love with Frank!
Susanne
Hi Suz! Thanks for reading and posting. Yeah, I loved Loving Frank. I wrote a review about the book (http://notjustanotherjen.com/2010/02/loving-frank/) that you may be interested in.
I love motherhood and I really do feel that I was meant to be a mom, but being a wife has always been much easier for me. Maybe it’s the lack of poopy diapers LoL. Still, I think we all work hard at all of our family relationships-forever isn’t easy whether it’s being someone’s parent or someone’s spouse!
Amen! Thanks again for stopping by and commenting.
Great post! I too feel so blessed that I have a good man to go the distance with. I actually feel like motherhood has been more of a stretch for me than wifehood has, though. Maybe because there is only one husband needing my attention, whereas I’ve got three kiddos pulling me every which way. Plus, my husband already is who he is. If I yell at him, I don’t worry that I’m harming his poor little psyche and he’s going to be in therapy for years.
Thanks Jen for stopping by and taking the time to comment. Yeah for super husbands! And I still think my husband could benefit from therapy for the things I’ve put him through.