If I ever wrote a book I would call it “Honestly Jen.”  However, I would ask that whenever anybody read the title they would have to say it with a sigh and an eye roll.  I have a way with words that is kinda like my super power.  It can be used for evil, but I’m learning to use my powers for good.  I’m learning, always learning to do a better job with writing as a skill, and just generally getting through this life.  I want to do the best I can.  I try, ya know.  The problem is I have a hard time holding in the truth. Not like The Truth, like I own it.  More like my truth, how I see it.  It’s been said many a time that I am a gal who calls it like she sees it.  Another factor which makes others nervous is that I’m not scared of people and I’m not afraid of having conversations (ok, well there are a few that I would stay away from).  However, the point is, I realize that not everyone likes this super power of mine, but I happen to love it.  I see it both ways — a blessing AND a curse.

I once read this book called Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth.  I was going through a major upheaval in my life when I read it.  You know the kind where everything is in question and up for review.  Well, this book made the most profound dent in my brain.  Everything in it just made perfect sense.  Basically the book evaluates why we lie and how much we lie.  The little white ones, the big scary ones, the ones we tell ourselves, the ones we tell friends and family, the ones we tell total strangers.  It’s stressful.  It will drive you crazy.  At that time in my life, I recognized that I too had that bad habit so I went about changing it.  One of the key principles (which you can read on the jacket) is that by not telling our friends, family, lovers, or bosses about what we do, feel, or think keeps us locked in the jail of our minds (the crazy making part).  The way out is to get good at telling the truth.  So that’s what I started doing.  And yes, it set me free.

I think that book along with a therapist that I went to for a few months, personal development workshops and a shit load of self help books, I think I got my head on pretty straight (for the most part) and got a lot of practice at figuring out my feelings and then saying what needed to be said in my relationships.  Relationships to me are paramount.  When we lose sight of those important ones (you reading this, Jesse James?) all shit hits the fan.  The greatest gift you can ever give someone is the gift of you over time.  That equals love.  Love of some kind or fashion.  Even if you hate the person and there’s some sort of f’d up dysfunction and they’re still in your life (like an alcoholic parent or toxic friend for example), there’s some sort of love there or else why would you keep them around, right?

About that really tumultuous time in my life I also decided I wanted real relationships.  I wanted real friends to know the real me and know that they would love me any way.  I’d love them in return for who they really are.  I didn’t want to be fake anymore.  I didn’t want to lie to get someone to like me.  I declared to live an authentic life and started looking for real people to be in my real life.  I got a bit of a do-over.  I know for some you this either sounds incredibly like a John Hughes movie or a new-age encounter weekend.  Whatever.  Hopefully you figured this shit out before you got out of high school.  But for me, it hit around age 25.  I guess age doesn’t really matter.  Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, got there whenever she got there.  The point is I hope you get there.  It’s a nice place to be.  Anyways…I digress….

So this honesty thing that I have going has me consistently risking intimacy.  If I don’t say what I see or am feeling, how do I know that you don’t feel the same way too?  What if we had that in common?  How would you ever understand me if I didn’t share?  How would I ever understand you if we don’t put ourselves out there, right?  Blogging is a huge forum onto which we get to better know ourselves (through writing) and others.  I love it.  I so totally feel a community here (thank you MamaKat, JerseyGirl, Scary Mommy, JennyMac, Jen @ Playgroups are No Place for Children, and The (Un)Experienced Mom, to name a few…damn, I do need to do a blog roll, don’t I?)

And sometimes I get that look in my eye and Lola (my BF) asks me, “What did you do now?”  Wait for it…yes, Honestly Jen! (please proceed with sigh and eye roll)  Sometimes I say things that I second guess or wish I could keep my mouth shut, but just can’t.  Like talking about my married sex life on my blog or that one time I was hanging with a new family member and I blurted out asked this stunning woman what is it like being a beauty with lots of freckles.  (It’s not often you run into that combination just like there are very few attractive gingers – men with red hair, unless you’re in Halifax, Nova Scotia where they apparently thrive!)  Yes, I am the friend that will tell you that your butt looks fat in those pants if it really looks fat (hopefully, you solicited my opinion because, girl, if I’m telling you without the solicitation then your butt really looks fat and we’re really good friends!).  I know…Honestly Jen!

Here’s the kicker.  The payoff is pretty darn good!  I’ve had more fun, laughter and deeper relationships because I was willing to risk putting myself out there and just saying it.  Yeah, I’ve made a few mistakes, cringed a good number of times, but more often than not I’ve made friends, someone smile, and opened doors for greater understanding of each other.  I know when I make a mess, I need to clean it up.  I take responsibility for my Big Mouth (cue The Smiths).  And I’ve had to do that (particularly with Husband last week) a good number of times and I’ve lost a few precious people along the way.  But I’m learning to wield my word as my weapon and to do it wisely.  Seek your truth and speak it, young Jedi.  Take a look around to your traveling companions on this road called life.  Do they KNOW you?  Can you speak honestly to them and them to you?  REALLY?  Time’s a wasting.  Get busy making changes and tell those that you want to keep how much you love them and what they mean to you.  Risk yourself.  You have much more love and laughter to gain.

Remember our old friend Billy Joel?  He said it well and I’ll close with those lyrics, but with a footnote.  I don’t find ‘Honesty’ a lonely word.  In fact, it’s brought us closer together.  Cheers to living honestly.

If you search for tenderness
It isn’t hard to find
You can have the love you need to live
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind
It always seems to be so hard to give

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

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