I’ve got a friend in from out of town that I’ve known pretty much all my life.  He has three kids with two different baby mamas.  One kid is your typical (becoming) teenager who is gonna be alright – smart boy, good co-parenting, could be cute if he would shut his mouth and be nicer.  The other two kids are young and still developing and it would be kind to say that this momma is a little rough around the edges.  Whatever…we’ve all got our histories and less-than-brilliant decisions that we’ve made along the way.  I love my friend, he knows it, and no harsh judgment from me.  I think that we lay in the beds we make, n’est pas? And hopefully, we try to make the best of the situation.  Right?

In our coffee talk this morning, I just realized this isn’t necessarily true for everyone.  What?!?!  You think you can’t improve your life?  Make the best out of a challenging situation?  He kept telling me why this…and why that…all I could hear when he was talking was Hall & Oates singing “I Can’t Go For That.”  I’ve including it here to take you back (omg, must view for the synth intro, hair dos and big suits).  In short, I’m not buying any of the excuses that I heard.

I’m of the mind that if you’re not minimally satisfied with things in your life (like your weight, your kids’ behaviors, professional or emotional skill sets, all the little things that we complain about, etc…) you pay attention to what would/could motivate you towards making that change.  I’m a learner.  I hate when I whine over and over about something.  I know you don’t know what you don’t know, but friends should tell you what’s what.  Ya know?  At least I count on my friends that way.

We have so much more power over our lives than we think we do.  We whine and moan about why things are or have to be the way they are (because, because, because…).  That’s a load of horse manure.  Your situation ain’t in concrete, it’s malleable, it can change.  It doesn’t have to be so hard or so heavy or so sad.  Yeah, there are tough times for sure, but they don’t last, they move on.  (and I’m not talking about people that struggle with severe depression, addiction, etc.  I’m speaking to the average population of us whiners.  However as a side note, I still think that people with those kinds of challenges aren’t stuck where they’re at either.)

There’s a crazy and incredible woman I used to work with (check out Rayona Sharpnack at Institute for Women’s Leadership), she used to have this saying, “If you don’t love your life then shame on you.”  After working with her for seven formidable years, I really took that lesson to heart.  And I mean it when I say it.

If you’ve been whining or complaining lately about whatever it is, brainstorm and daydream about all the different possible ways that it could be better.  Don’t think about all the reasons why you can’t or it won’t work.  Just think about the outcome for a few moments (don’t worry I won’t tell anyone that you’re using your imagination).   Think about how it feels good in your stomach.  You don’t have to have the answers now.  You just need to think about what possible good can come from the change.

Now most the time, I share my feel-good daydreams with my spouse and close friends.  They know I like to think crazy thoughts and they are used to it by now.  I know time after time, if I spend more time thinking, feeling, sharing my crazy ideas than I do talking bad about them, good will prevail (AND that takes practice).  When the feel-good thoughts and words outweigh all the negativity and doubts (or I’m at least practicing more positivity) I come across “inspired opportunities” (‘luck’ some would say) and somehow things just line up a little bit easier toward the right direction.  Because I truly (in my heart and soul) believe that things don’t have to be so hard, I know it will all work out and I’ll be okay.  (Feel free to repeat until you get there too…pretty much what I said over and over during each pregnancy and my first few years of motherhood even when I wasn’t so sure about it).

Find out what makes YOU feel good in your heart, mind and body.  Please spend time thinking about it.  Make good vibes people.  You can.  We all need it.  And you just might be surprised how easily good things can come your way.

Sorry for the rant.  I think I need a drink now. Cheers friends!

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