ch-ch-ch-changes

Strange fascination, fascinatin’.  Ah changes are takin’, the pace I’m going through.

-       David Bowie

Here’s what I know how to do.  One foot in front of the other.  Grammy always said, “keep on keeping on.”  And that’s what I’m doing.  However, I think I just need a good cry.  Or a vacation (though we never seem to have the money or time for that).  I’ve got a couple of great friends who are stepping up to relieve the pressure I’m in and I’m seeking help on the things that I can change.

But change is at the crux of it all.  There’s a lot of change going on.  Change from within.  Change from the outside.

Last week BigBoy started kindergarten.  He is loving it.  It’s giving him a sense of purpose and he’s eager to do well.  I think his teacher is a great fit for him.  I have volunteered to work in his classroom twice a month.  That appeared to be a good commitment for me.  Not too much, but participating nonetheless.*  Then I also signed up for being the room Scholastic mom.  Well, you know about my love for books and that will be every 6-8 weeks.  So other than writing a check for the PTA and the social events that support our school, I think I’m good and I’m not signing up for more.

Luckily his kindergarten is from 8:00 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. and then released early (around noon) on Fridays.  I do the drop off, pick up, lunch making and homework reviewing (yes there is homework for kindergartners).  I’ve attended the orientation, first day meeting and back to school night.  I’ve entered in the full year of calendar events on our family Outlook (don’t laugh, but how else do you keep it all together?).

The next biggest change that has occurred is that my unemployment ran out and I’m now a part-time work from home mom.  I had to come up with something to replace that income and I don’t want to sacrifice my relationship with the boys for a full-time paycheck.  I don’t want to go down that road again.  So if I can creatively come up with contracts to work from home, then you betcha, I will.   And I have.  And I actually think that we can make it work and pay our bills.  There is one bill in particular that is out of control (my student loan), but more on that later.

Two days a week and every other Friday, I have BabyD go to our fabulous sanity-saving, in-home daycare friend down the street.  So I have two days a week where I’m focused working for a good chunk of time.  I can sprinkle in some client work when I have BabyD on Tuesday and Thursday…it’s as Tim Gunn says, “make it work people!”  My first piece of work is that I’m handling some marketing and admin work for a friend and real estate agent a few hours each week.  Then, with the thanks of my blog and love for social networking, I landed a great client (of all things) in the aquarium enthusiast world.  I’ll be writing blog posts and handling their social networking to create a community around their progressive (and green) products.

I’m stoked about the possibilities of it all, but that’s a lot of newness and change and I’m looking for my rhythm inside of all that.  And of course, there are big things that are happening NOW and clients need stuff NOW.  So it’s been a busy week for me to say the least.  AND I’m actually getting some more requests from other sources for work!  I am blessed and trying to see how all this can fit in.

Let me say a bit about BabyD.  He’s a complete 2 year old right now.  He wants to do things his way, he yells at me, he fights fiercely with his brother, and he can turn on the charm at the wink of an eye.  He’s a killer and a tough one for me.  Yes, we’re still going to swim class on Tuesdays.  We also just moved him from his crib to a big boy bed (he loves to show everyone who comes over his car bed…it’s just cars on the comforter, pictures and a pillow, but he’s thrilled about it.)  Just yesterday we sold his crib, chest of drawers-changing table, and linens.  *tear*  I have to admit that I got a bit choked up, but I’m happy to help out a newly started couple with our set.  Like all moms say, “he’s growing up so fast.”  One minute I want to squeeze him so tightly and the next minute I want his bad attitude to stay in his room forever all day.

And for the cherry on top, Husband and I are SO VERY out of sync with each other.  I just want to be held, loved on, and asked how I’m doing traveling at the speed of light with all this change going on.  Hell, just notice that I’m wearing a dress — that would be nice.  Instead, I think that everything out of his mouth is a challenge or critique without a word of care.  He thinks he can’t do anything right by me.  I think he just needs to listen more/better and use his brain.  This could go on and on.  I’ll save you from my relational hell.  I’m not sure if it’s my hormones that our outta wack (I’ve sought help from a regular medical doctor and a naturopath) or if we need some counseling to sort out our communication.  I think we need both.  Stat.

I have to confess that he did bring me flowers this week after a tiff we had.  That was nice.  Really nice.  He’s not all bad.  And I just noticed that he fixed BigBoy’s curtains that have been broken for over six months.  That was nice. Really nice.  (see, trying to focus on the positive)

It’s just a lot right now.  A lot of change.

But we got sea legs
And we’re off tonight
They can’t have that to which they’ve no right
You belong to a simpler time
I’m a victim to the impact of these words,
And this rhyme.

Sorry, random but poignant reference to my favorite Shins song (“Sea Legs”).

San Elijo State Beach - yeah, this is where we go camping

I find what brings me peace and hope and I pray.  Music helps.  The ocean helps.  We’re camping this weekend at the beach with good friends so I’ll eat, drink, and find merry.  But mostly what I’ll be doing is putting one foot in front of the other and trying to find my rhythm.  The way out is through.  Right, Mary?

Champagne.  It has bubbles.  That will be my drink of choice this weekend.  It will help lift my spirits and find the brighter side.  Clearly, there is a lot to be happy about.  I just need to get my sea legs under me with this change.  Cheers friends.  I hope you’re also finding your new rhythm with school back in session.

*One of my dear Jen friend’s (cuz you know I know over a dozen Jens) advice was to not sign up for too much at kindergarten.  She told me that there will be ample requests for help throughout the year.  However, she said the one thing to be sure to do is to volunteer in the classroom.  Her thinking was that you get to know the children well and their little personalities.  Then you know who to help steer your little dude (or princess) toward and/or away from.  The insightful thought is that mostly these kids don’t change a whole lot from kindergarten into junior high and on up.  You’ll know who’s trouble.