Not Just Another Jen » Motherhood

ch-ch-ch-changes

jenH — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 17:14:07 +0000

Strange fascination, fascinatin’. Ah changes are takin’, the pace I’m going through.

- David Bowie

Here’s what I know how to do. One foot in front of the other. Grammy always said, “keep on keeping on.” And that’s what I’m doing. However, I think I just need a good cry. Or a vacation (though we never seem to have the money or time for that). I’ve got a couple of great friends who are stepping up to relieve the pressure I’m in and I’m seeking help on the things that I can change.

But change is at the crux of it all. There’s a lot of change going on. Change from within. Change from the outside.

Last week BigBoy started kindergarten. He is loving it. It’s giving him a sense of purpose and he’s eager to do well. I think his teacher is a great fit for him. I have volunteered to work in his classroom twice a month. That appeared to be a good commitment for me. Not too much, but participating nonetheless.* Then I also signed up for being the room Scholastic mom. Well, you know about my love for books and that will be every 6-8 weeks. So other than writing a check for the PTA and the social events that support our school, I think I’m good and I’m not signing up for more.

Luckily his kindergarten is from 8:00 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. and then released early (around noon) on Fridays. I do the drop off, pick up, lunch making and homework reviewing (yes there is homework for kindergartners). I’ve attended the orientation, first day meeting and back to school night. I’ve entered in the full year of calendar events on our family Outlook (don’t laugh, but how else do you keep it all together?).

The next biggest change that has occurred is that my unemployment ran out and I’m now a part-time work from home mom. I had to come up with something to replace that income and I don’t want to sacrifice my relationship with the boys for a full-time paycheck. I don’t want to go down that road again. So if I can creatively come up with contracts to work from home, then you betcha, I will. And I have. And I actually think that we can make it work and pay our bills. There is one bill in particular that is out of control (my student loan), but more on that later.

Two days a week and every other Friday, I have BabyD go to our fabulous sanity-saving, in-home daycare friend down the street. So I have two days a week where I’m focused working for a good chunk of time. I can sprinkle in some client work when I have BabyD on Tuesday and Thursday…it’s as Tim Gunn says, “make it work people!” My first piece of work is that I’m handling some marketing and admin work for a friend and real estate agent a few hours each week. Then, with the thanks of my blog and love for social networking, I landed a great client (of all things) in the aquarium enthusiast world. I’ll be writing blog posts and handling their social networking to create a community around their progressive (and green) products.

I’m stoked about the possibilities of it all, but that’s a lot of newness and change and I’m looking for my rhythm inside of all that. And of course, there are big things that are happening NOW and clients need stuff NOW. So it’s been a busy week for me to say the least. AND I’m actually getting some more requests from other sources for work! I am blessed and trying to see how all this can fit in.

Let me say a bit about BabyD. He’s a complete 2 year old right now. He wants to do things his way, he yells at me, he fights fiercely with his brother, and he can turn on the charm at the wink of an eye. He’s a killer and a tough one for me. Yes, we’re still going to swim class on Tuesdays. We also just moved him from his crib to a big boy bed (he loves to show everyone who comes over his car bed…it’s just cars on the comforter, pictures and a pillow, but he’s thrilled about it.) Just yesterday we sold his crib, chest of drawers-changing table, and linens. *tear* I have to admit that I got a bit choked up, but I’m happy to help out a newly started couple with our set. Like all moms say, “he’s growing up so fast.” One minute I want to squeeze him so tightly and the next minute I want his bad attitude to stay in his room forever all day.

And for the cherry on top, Husband and I are SO VERY out of sync with each other. I just want to be held, loved on, and asked how I’m doing traveling at the speed of light with all this change going on. Hell, just notice that I’m wearing a dress — that would be nice. Instead, I think that everything out of his mouth is a challenge or critique without a word of care. He thinks he can’t do anything right by me. I think he just needs to listen more/better and use his brain. This could go on and on. I’ll save you from my relational hell. I’m not sure if it’s my hormones that our outta wack (I’ve sought help from a regular medical doctor and a naturopath) or if we need some counseling to sort out our communication. I think we need both. Stat.

I have to confess that he did bring me flowers this week after a tiff we had. That was nice. Really nice. He’s not all bad. And I just noticed that he fixed BigBoy’s curtains that have been broken for over six months. That was nice. Really nice. (see, trying to focus on the positive)

It’s just a lot right now. A lot of change.

But we got sea legs
And we’re off tonight
They can’t have that to which they’ve no right
You belong to a simpler time
I’m a victim to the impact of these words,
And this rhyme.

Sorry, random but poignant reference to my favorite Shins song (“Sea Legs”).

San Elijo State Beach - yeah, this is where we go camping

I find what brings me peace and hope and I pray. Music helps. The ocean helps. We’re camping this weekend at the beach with good friends so I’ll eat, drink, and find merry. But mostly what I’ll be doing is putting one foot in front of the other and trying to find my rhythm. The way out is through. Right, Mary?

Champagne. It has bubbles. That will be my drink of choice this weekend. It will help lift my spirits and find the brighter side. Clearly, there is a lot to be happy about. I just need to get my sea legs under me with this change. Cheers friends. I hope you’re also finding your new rhythm with school back in session.

*One of my dear Jen friend’s (cuz you know I know over a dozen Jens) advice was to not sign up for too much at kindergarten. She told me that there will be ample requests for help throughout the year. However, she said the one thing to be sure to do is to volunteer in the classroom. Her thinking was that you get to know the children well and their little personalities. Then you know who to help steer your little dude (or princess) toward and/or away from. The insightful thought is that mostly these kids don’t change a whole lot from kindergarten into junior high and on up. You’ll know who’s trouble.

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wordless wednesdays: show me your muscles

jenH — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 15:55:12 +0000

BabyD Show Me Your Muscles

As always, we like to thank our friends who host link-ups for Wordless Wednesdays. Go check these great gals out!

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a mom is born

jenH — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 20:58:01 +0000

Becoming a mom for me was a choice. I was very fortunate that when I wanted a baby it happened (and conversely when I didn’t want a baby, it didn’t happen!). Having children with Husband was a part of the deal that I signed on for when I said, “I do.” If it were not for him and his desire to have children, I most likely wouldn’t have had any. I just wasn’t sure that I was “wired” for them or had enough tolerance patience for their crying, whining, temper-tantrums, fighting…well, you get the picture. It’s most of what I do myself. I simply couldn’t imagine having to put up with a little nugget AND my antics.

Well I have two wonderful sons that have blown the lid off of the kind of mother I thought I would be. The transition to Motherhood wasn’t easy for me. I knew I was biologically and physiologically built to have kids and I was capable (this girl has always had mother hips). But the emotional turmoil, spiritual growth, and constant learning, learning, learning I’ve been doing has turned me upside down and inside out. I have, through being a Mom, been reborn.

Like Madonna, Motherhood is a whole new transformation of self, but hopefully without the cone-shaped bra. Remember when she went from Like a Virgin to Like a Prayer? And then she cut her hair on the next album…oh I remember the horror. It was traumatic! For me, motherhood was (and continues to be) scary, empowering and beautiful (which is exactly how I feel about Madge today).

This year My Mommy Manual (have I mentioned how much I LOVE them?) is holding their second virtual baby shower for which I am co-hosting. The theme this year is A Mom is Born (because it’s not just a baby that arrives). The celebration is for KMOV news anchor, Virginia Kerr, who is expecting a boy and due October 15^th. The idea behind the shower is to celebrate and honor the transition of becoming a mother, particularly with the support of her friends and family.

I have been bowled over from the incredible love and strength that I’ve received from my fellow mommies through the years. If I didn’t have the awesome community of women of that I have or a few choice tunes on my iPod, I could be in an institution. I swear.

What’s so great about this virtual baby shower is that you too can participate! There are a great number of ways join in.

First, join us for the virtual shower Wednesday, August 25 from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. CST. Anyone with internet access can attend virtually, interacting in real time with Virginia and hosts via a live chat room during the online broadcast. The shower will be aired live on www.MomIsBorn.com.

Any mom will enjoy the event because the two-hour broadcast will feature great parenting tips and products. Top tips for new moms will also be shared, which are being collected on the MomIsBorn site prior to the broadcast. Each tip offered is an entry into the Mom is Born giveaway raffle. Raffle prizes have been generously donated by the shower sponsors, which include Kolcraft & Build-A-Bear.

Wouldn’t be cool to hear them read your top tip for a new mom during the broadcast? You know you’ve got something to share on how you survived the beginning (and still do). Or are you one of those awesome moms that motherhood for you is a piece of cake? We love you too (lucky lady), but I’m sure you’ve got ideas as well.

This year the shower will benefit the March of Dimes. I’ve often heard of this charity, but until now I didn’t know their actual mission. March of Dimes is the leading nonprofit for pregnancy and baby health. They are dedicated to improving the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality. It’s probably a good idea to cough up $20 and donate. Won’t you please?

Other ways you can support March of Dimes through this event:

Make a donation via donate button on my home page. Plus, it will make me look good. I’m not gonna lie. And thank you.
Buy a Holding Hands bracelet for yourself or a loved one. My Mommy Manual has asked a commissioned artist, Villa Design, to create a signature charm as a symbol of the connectedness between all mothers and the strength moms can source from each other. It is an especially touching gift for an expecting mom to wear during her labor and delivery, as a reminder of the support she has from her closest women friends — who are invited to add their own Pandora-style bead and an accompanying wish. A portion of the proceeds will go to the March of Dimes. More information about the bracelet can be found at MomIsBorn.
Support A Mom Is Born sponsors: Build-A-Bear Workshop, Kolcraft, Goodnite Rooms, Pixie Posie Photography and our Venue Sponsor, Overlook Farm.

This coming Wednesday, come hang out with us during the virtual baby shower. Let’s celebrate Virginia and all the women joining the transition into Motherhood. There is beauty in numbers and in the support of women. Cheers!

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wordless wednesday: 1st day of kindergarten

jenH — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 19:27:02 +0000

BigBoy's 1st Day of Kindergarten

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mom gone quiet

jenH — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 23:09:20 +0000

I recently wrote about Husband and I taking separate vacations each visiting our families flying it solo with the kids. The payoff is that we each have time alone, the cost is that we continue to delay taking a vacation together (which we sorely need). I had my vacation with the boys in July . Now I’m by myself. All by myself.

Please don’t be singing sad songs for me. Mama’s doing alright. In fact, I must say that I’d give myself a B+ on not being a complete lazy bum while the boys are away. I’ve done laundry. However there are four baskets of clothes that are yet to be folded and put away. I started the yard project, which was damn miraculous. Although I’ve got about three more days of work to do. I did foreworn Husband to keep expectations low as to not be disappointed. He was itching to make me a list, but he didn’t dare. It’s my vacation, afterall.

So far, I got my yearly girly exam, spoke with a naturopath for an alternative perspective, and addressed some dog training issues. I’ve visited with an old friend and welcomed another into our home (One of my oldest friends, Jeffrey, got a new job out here. For now we’re his halfway home until he finds a place to live.). I also ran away for a quick girlfriends’ trip to San Francisco. That was debacherous good fun (and I realize “debacherous” is not a real word, but it should be).

I even extended my vacation and had a drunk day at home. I downloaded the pictures from the weekend trip, slept, drank too much and watched too much tv. It was great. Have you ever seen Damn Yankees? The dancing and quick-witted dialogue captured my heart. Oh and then Bachelor Pad and Dating in the Dark came on and I eventually fell asleep. I felt like Mom Gone Wild. Getting drunk and watching tv. Oh the excitement.

But it all sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? My visiting friend said it simply, “It must feel great not to be needed by anyone or anything.” I know that I’m needed still, don’t get me wrong. I love this brief break of quiet as compared to the unrelenting demand of little ones’ needs, schedules and incessant talking the rest of the year. I needed this vacation. Shhh…did you hear that? No. Me neither. Ahhh…

The boys will be back on Saturday and my life full of boyness will be in full swing. I’ll have changed out the furniture in BabyD’s room (he’s getting a big boy bed and a chest of drawers), made more progress in the backyard, paid bills and finally folded all the laundry. Monday will be the first day of Kindergarten. Tuesday will be swim class for BabyD. Wednesday will be my exercise class and laundry day. Thursday will be soccer practice. And life as a SAHM (soon to be WAHM) begins again.

Until then, my wish for you is that you have a moment of not being needed, no list of to dos poking you and no place that you have to be. Enjoy the silence. Just be. Even if for a little while. Find some moment of peace that is just for you. Be okay with having a lazy moment. I think it’s good for the soul. I only have a few more days left, but I’m going to enjoy them fully and quietly. Mom gone quiet. Cheers friends.

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wordless wednesday: girly moment

jenH — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 21:05:33 +0000

Anthropologie model I'm not, but finally found the perfect summer dress for these vintage earrings! Yipee! Girly moment!

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solo road tripping w/the boys

jenH — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 18:53:56 +0000

Here’s what I love about road trips. I love not being on a schedule. I love getting up and going when we get up and go. I know that I’m gonna get there. Don’t rush me. I’m rushed enough. On a schedule enough (or running behind enough). I run errands enough. I just want to relax and sit there (ok, well, I’m driving technically) and listen to music all day. Oh yeah, and then there are two little boys behind me, but I work the “invisible wall” when necessary.

DAY 1 (Wednesday): I swear it takes me eight hours to pack the three of us. Wednesday afternoon (yeah, late start) the boys and I drove from our home in San Diego to St. George, Utah (first stop). The van was packed with snacks, activities, and (thank goodness) BigBoy’s Leapster. We made the quickie, four-hour trip to Vegas. I thought it would be cool to get out and eat on The Strip. We found an easy-access Denny’s near public parking. On our two-block walk we saw Jack Sparrow, Edward Cullen, and Wonder Woman. I love Las Vegas. I also love people watching all the tourists and party whores.

Three hours from Las Vegas to get to St. George, Utah where we spent our first night. Overall, the boys did a fantastic job in the car. BigBoy could see the clock on the dash and he knew not to keep asking me how much longer it will it be to get there because I just kept saying, “What time did I say?” In his exasperated voice, “I know Mom! You said 7:00.” I simply replied, “Well, dude, nothing’s changed.” End of discussion. That works for me.

NotJustAnotherJen & the boys - Salt Wash, UT

I’m surprised by how many people are astonished that I’m travelling alone with two little ones. Husband’s working and I like our separate vacations. We’ll meet up next week at my parents’ house for our family reunion. I like being with the boys, especially when we’re out of our regular routine. I tell them that we’re on this adventure together and that we need to look out for each other. BigBoy has been incredibly helpful, more so than he ever is at home. BabyD still sleeps in his crib at home, but on the trip I’m forgoing the pack-n-play and having the boys sleep together. The boys are creating a special, brotherly bond, which is so charming to watch. And yes, BabyD fell out of the bed twice and I barely got any sleep because I thought he’d roll out again, but it’s okay. I’m on vacation. I’m just happy to be here (wherever here is).

Watch the road!

DAY 2 (Thursday): The next destination was Castle Rock, Colorado where my brother and his wife live. The boys are so very excited to see their cousins. This leg of the trip was a 10-hour drive through some of the most incredible landscape in the United States (at least what I’ve seen of the U.S.). Utah is an extraordinarily beautiful state. We’re definitely coming back for a family vacation. We made a pit stop at Salt Wash, Utah and climbed rocks and killed ants. The picture on the right was taken while driving. (I know, don’t yell at me! But look, it is astonishingly beautiful.)

We were in Silt, Colorado (what a name!) when BabyD had a shit storm. I pulled over at the (I kid you not) the Kum & Go. What is it about Pull-Ups that doesn’t contain the poop? It goes out the side, down the leg and into the shoes. Ugh. I had a trail of poop from the car to the wash room in the nasty stop of the Kum & Go. The whole place was like a trashy truck stop, complete with a tattooed drunk couple yelling at each other out front. Oh lord, the whole scene was NASTY, as you might imagine with a name like the Kum & Go (sorry, had to say it again). I really needed a drink after that but settled for a Starbucks. We had three and a half more hours to go.

The road from Silt was out of this world. We travelled along side the Colorado River on Interstate 70 passing through Aspen, Vail, and Breckenridge. I’ve never skied there, but can see why it’s such a big deal. During the summer when the river is high, people are fly fishing and biking around. The soaring, red mountains are breathtaking. It was astounding. Eventually it began to rain hard and get dark, so coming down the mountain into the Denver area was a white-knuckling experience with the steep grades and large semis, but we made it. I had to yell at tell the boys to “zip it!” a good number of times, but they know when Mommy’s starting to stress, not to push my buttons.

My brother and his family are in a new huge, gorgeous model home (moved in on the day of my arrival…more on that later), which is also amazing. They are up on a breathtaking ridge with the grand Rockies framed perfectly in every window of the house.

I love the West. I love the rich, deep colors. I love the heat. I love that I’m sharing this with my boys who are just starting to be at the age to appreciate it. We’ll be here through July 4^th then on to my parent home in Durango, Colorado on Monday. The following weekend we have a family reunion that we’ve been preparing for months. I can’t wait to share the West with the rest of them.

Right now, I’m going to relish the beauty around me and keep my vacation frame of mind, especially when there are so many kids screaming, yelling and enjoying each other. Thankfully, Heather and I will get our girly-fill of margaritas and Eclipse tonight. Cheers to family and summer fun.

NOTE: I wanted to post this earlier, but they still don’t have internet connectivity at the house. More to come.

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wordless wednesdays: road trippin

jenH — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 05:55:56 +0000

All Ready to Go, Mom!

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wordless wednesdays: flying high at the del mar fair

jenH — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 17:29:32 +0000

BigBoy & BabyD at Del Mar Fair

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working the system

jenH — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 14:21:26 +0000

Encinitas Library

I know how to work the system. Want music or movies for free? Well, have I got a deal for you. It’s rather old fashioned, actually. It’s called a library. Remember those? Outside of reading circle for babies and toddlers, there’s so much more to get than just books.

I love music. Back when we lived in San Francisco, my favorite Sundays were when I could take off for a few hours and hunt for cds in Rasputin’s or Amoeba Records. These are HUGEMONGUS music stores, with multiple floors of new and used music and video. The best part is that you could return the used music you’d bought for 75 on the dollar. That was awesome for me because $100 at that rate could last a good number of buy, burn and return visits. I was disappointed when I moved to SoCal and there wasn’t a nearby equivalent. Not even close. Locally, Lou’s Records is a ghastly-paled comparison.

When Husband and I were on major cutback mode (still are), MIL suggested that I try the library for movies (instead of Netflix), music (instead of lame-o Lou’s), and books (well, I had found a good used book store here, but the library is free). Have you looked lately on how much you spend on movie rentals, books and music? You may be surprised. I know I was. Now I have a SUPER SYSTEM that keeps our costs way down, videos stacked up, tons of books read (mostly for the kids) and plenty of fresh music in my ipod. All it takes is my computer (which I’m on all the time anyway) and some planning.

Remember last month when I had a mini mommy-freak-out about the boys learning how to swim? Swim lessons have been a lot better and no more tears. Go figure, they even think it’s kinda fun. Well, I made my own “Swimming Is Fun” campaign and I used the library to help. I did a search online on my county library’s website. I found 10 kids books about swimming and fun in the water for positive reinforcement. I read them a few each night along with showing them pictures of kids their age swimming in pools and at the beach. I think it really helped.

Here’s the super system: Use the online library to reserve/request the books, music and all movies that you want. Then when you run your errands (Fridays for me when the kids are in day care, so I don’t have to deal with books being knocked off the shelf or temper tantrums), I just go to the hold stacks, pick up my requests and check it all out. It’s kinda fun going to the stacks and seeing lots of stuff with your name on it! Now this is a part of my regular Friday routine. Through the library’s online system, I can see what is due and what’s available to pick up to keep track of everything. I know that every Friday I drop off due music, movies and books in the return box and pick up at the reserve stacks. When I request/reserve from the online system, they pull from over 30 libraries around the county (because it’s not all available at our little library) and while I may not be able to get everything immediately, I know my Friday is full of good surprises.

Every time I listen to Pandora or the radio, there are always new songs I love and bands I’d like to know better. Our library has everything from Vampire Weekend to Elvis Presley. Want to strengthen your Blues knowledge? Do a search and reserve through the library. Check them out and burn to your heart’s content. IT’S FREE MUSIC! No more $.99 with iTunes. Get your cds from the library. They haven’t had everything I’ve requested, but I’ve been very impressed. The library even takes requests.

Our county library even has latest releases on movies! I just saw Crazy Heart and An Education. I had to wait 2-3 weeks from the time that I requested, but there are always lots of other movies to see. Before I cancelled my Netflix account I printed out my queue and entered the selected movies in to the library request system 10 at a time. Any kids’ movies you want to see that you haven’t in a long time? Tired of your regular rotation? Use the library to freshen it up. There are great programs on DVDs from Discovery Kids and Popular Mechanics for Kids (they have a series about how things work, which was really interesting). Oh have I mentioned? Renting movies from the library is free! Even better, I have week to watch.

Here’s the catch: knowledge is power and will save you in fees. Know how many days you can check out books, movies and music. For our library, we have 7 days for music and videos; books are 21 days. Late fees can catch you by surprise unless you stay organized and well informed. Movies are $1.00 per day when they are late. Books are only a quarter, so I don’t freak out over that, but when you have 3 movies late for 3 days, yep, you can do the math. Doing that every week becomes costly. So don’t do it. Find a way to make the weekly library visit a part of your routine. If you haven’t watched the movies you rented then see if you can re-check them out online or return it. You can always get it again later. (I’m saying this to you and to me again for the 100^th time.)

Working my library super system has been great for saving money and keeping the kids well stocked with new books. I also have continued my music addiction and I’m up to date on the new movie rental releases, because you know Husband & I don’t go out on dates often enough.

I’d love to hear how you use your library outside of reading time with the kiddos. And be sure to check out the summer reading programs. There are lots of kiddy swag and fun family programs to be had. Go old school, check out your local library. Cheers friends!

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