When I was 26 I participated in a workshop called the Landmark Forum.  It was a Big Gulp-sized awakening of who I am, how I worked and why we all do the things we do.  I felt through that weekend workshop and the continued personal development that I explored, I fell in love with learning. Learning what it takes to lead a big, fat authentic life, what it is to be real, open and living…really living a good life while we’re here on this planet whirling around a sun that’s dying out.  You know, the big stuff and my little part in it.

So now I’m out of those transformational communities, living my life as a wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister, etc.  Sometimes I’m really good at it.  Sometimes I’m not.  But the thing that I keep coming back to is a desire, need or really  a passion to put my brain on loudspeaker, to sort it all out and keep trying on living the life of a good human being.  That is how I learn.

I have a passion to talk about it, to write about it, to share and connect others so that we can learn together and support one another.  I’m a Jen.  My story is not unique.  There are plenty of other mothers, bloggers, women who are writing and sharing their experience.  But none of them share my point view because that is unique.

So getting back to the question of what I’m passionate about…  I’ve passionate about learning, living and loving through this big thing we call life and then sharing, supporting and connecting others in doing the best job in their life.  Maybe not “the best,” that’s not the right words, but doing it well.  Being awake enough to make better choices.  To give space and time to think.  To do well for our bodies, minds and spirit…family, friends and communities.

Life is big.  Let’s just do it well.  With a little more joy.  A little more humor.  A little more positivity.  Much more authenticity.  But doing it together.  Learning and sharing this is where my passion lies.

This post is a part of Word of the Month (#NJAJWOTM). I’d love to see your post on Passion, February’s word.

I can point to my sorrow: the death of a friend’s mother, a friend’s grandmother’s passing, and the loss of friend. Losing someone that you care about, either by death or someone’s choice, leaves a mark and it hurts. Sometimes words are exchanged. Sometimes there’s more pain with what’s left unsaid.

No matter, they are gone and the mark is made.

Simply, it is sad.

But we all know that the seasons change. Long, warm sun-kissed days give way to a crisp chill and changing colors.

This year, fall is arriving quickly and I’m not ready to let go. I’m still longing for summer sun on my skin. And I fear it’s gone right before my eyes.

That sucks and makes me want to mope.

I want to slump in my chair and just emote.

{okay, that was weird, but it worked}

I think a nice dash of drearies is healthy, but too much changes the flavor of life. Use sparingly. Too much is dull and depressing. When the timing is right, I shake it off and say goodbye, and turn toward what remains. I look for what’s hopeful, what brings light and warmth, what I know to be sure. I move on and reach for what’s good and what’s working to pull me out of the greyness. It’s how I deal when things change. It’s the way of the seasons. We may close our doors, but we go where we can seek warmth and light. We say goodbye to the summer sun.

So I tell myself to snuggle in. Embrace the good. Do what feels right in the gut. Find what you can love. Say, “it’s gonna be okay.” Cuz it is. You know it to be true.

The seasons need to change. Welcome fall.

We all get that way with life, don’t we? Going through the motions. Feeling disconnected from the things that light us up.  I know I do.

The deeply rooted Gwen Bell (seriously, watch the video on her landing page) and radiant Karen Walrond, author of The Beauty of Different, were the leaders of the track that I attended.  They led us through some exercises that reminded me what’s important and what I’m passionate about.  This opportunity to sit, think and journal, allowed me to reconnect to both that precious space where creativity flourishes and a strong sense of inspiration and empowerment.  While that may sound heavy, it was actually quite yummy.

You may stop reading this post right here.  But I’d invite you to give yourself one of these writing exercises. Give yourself 30 minutes.  Choose one from three below and see what lights you up.  Just get inside your mind and let it flow.  It’s good to sit and let your mind think.  We all need to do more of it.

Words (especially when written with your hand, not soley fingertips on a keyboard) are magical. See what comes out when you give yourself the time to listen to your inner answers.  You may be surprised, uplifted, stirred up, but trust that it’s all good information.

1. Write a letter to your younger self. What would you tell her?  Remember what Doc Brown says about the space-time continuum: the things that you would change in the past have consequences for today.  So choose wisely what you would change.

After you write, think about what you learned.  Would you have gone back in time to change anything?  Did you see your life differently?  How old was the younger you?  Ask a friend or family member to do the same. Share.

2. Make a love list. Spend 20 minutes writing all the things that you love.

After writing, ask yourself why do I love the things that I love?  Then look for patterns. Can you distill it down to two or three themes?  Let that information inform future decisions.

3. Make a Life List.  This is not a Bucket List; it’s not a race of things to do before you die.  Include some that would be really huge to try, but mix in the simple (learn to milk a cow) with the incredible.  Consider including things that you’ve done before, but in different way or with someone that would shape the experience newly (like partner or child).  Do not include anything on this list that would upset you if you didn’t complete it (like lose 20 pounds).

What I was reminded from these exercises is that I have say in how my life is going. Sometimes I forget to that simple, but valuable, notion. Living and writing with purpose. That lights me up. Duh. A coworker used to say, “If you don’t love your life then shame on you.”  Same applies with a blog.

Karen Walrond had two sayings that she repeated during the session.  First, “Inject awesome into your life.” Which makes me think of a saying I heard on a church’s voicemail once, “Life. It’s meant to be good.” That always makes me smile.  I’ll paraphrase the second quote from Karen:  Be the curator** of your life.

Thank you BlogHer, Gwen and Karen.  I heard ya, sisters.  Message received. Thank you for the reconnection and injection of awesome.

Cheers!

*A quote from Jess Weiner (Though may not be able to attribute the quote to her, she likely got it from another source. Stay tuned. I’ll find out.), “The steam that makes the whistle blow is not the steam that makes the engine go.”  Think about where you’re putting your steam. Or are you just a loud noise produced by hot air?

** Etymology: Latin, guardian, from curare to take care of

I started with the pre-conference offering, Pathfinder Day.  Right off the bat I knew I was in the right place when Sandra Miley, a brand strategist, asked pointed questions about building your blog’s brand.  Everything she pointed to I knew needed deeper introspection and she had the right questions to lead me there.  I walked away confidently knowing that I’m the right bird to start a flock.

With the warmth and wisdom of Gwen Bell and Karen Walrond from chookoolonks (who just got back from a trip to Kenya with One.org and featured on ABC), I certainly moved through some fear and know that I am starting this morning with a much clearer path.  Thank you blogging angels for the opportunity to hang with these incredible women and learn from them. My whoa factor was high and my soul was deeply touched.

The afternoon speaker, Jess Weiner, continued the gentle inquiry and spoke about blogs being a space of personal (and sometimes political) evolution and revolution.  I walked away knowing who’s on my esteem team and reinforced courage.

Friday was the first real day of BlogHer ’11.  The first session I attended was moderated by Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness Project with Brene Brown of OrdinaryCourage.com, but well known for her TED Talk on the Power of Vulnerability, Mr Lady from Whiskey in my Sippy Cup (who I was totally chatting with the day before not realizing that she’s kinda a big deal) and Shauna Ahern the Gluten Free Girl.  What a great conversation about privacy, intimacy, what to share online and what not.  Their stories really helped define where my line of disclosure will lie.

I then continued on my path attending a Write Brain session about improving my writing and generating content, which was good, but the best part was a conversation with A Diary of a Mad Woman who really helped me think about new ideas to write about.

The day ended with a soulful explosion of my first Flash Mob.  I’ll have to write later about that experience, but basically I participated in MobHer at BlogHer ’11 with the code name #operationglory.  During lunch I joined in with 100+ other gals dancing to Lady Gaga’s “Edge of Glory.”  Cross that off the life list. Better video to come but yes, that’s me in white capris and a brown top.

For me, the second full day of BlogHer wasn’t as impactful as the others.  Maybe I was too tired from the parties and dancing from the night before and the lack of sleep from crazy roommates.  It was all good and happy, no real complaints.  With the exception of the session ‘Til Blog Do Us Part, which I caught the tail end of and will watch online, I changed my focus away from the soulful learning and on to the professional side of blogging.  I’ve been struggling with the question of do I want to be a blogger that reviews products and gets paid to write.  I like the idea of getting paid to write, but not so sure about product reviews.  I can say that the perks of being a blogger (wined & dined, exclusive parties, mucho swag and events) are wonderful, but it brings up questions of my integrity and intention of my blog.  I’m still working on answering those questions for my brand and myself.

Besides the great sessions, I met some wonderful women.  Some I knew previously, some I’ve wanted to know better, and some that I’ve been reading for a while.  What a pleasure to be in their space, to exchange business cards and laughs, stories and the BlogHer experience.  It’s worth the price of admission to be among your blogging peers, 3700 of them, and know that we’re all in this interwebby world together.

My mind, heart but mostly my soul was fed by my first BlogHer experience.  It was all that I hoped and more.  I can’t stress the importance of giving this gift to yourself as a blogger.  Do it.  Just once.  You will learn so much and you’ll leave uplifted. The power of women will rock your socks too.

Snoring Beauty by Bruce Hale

A furious fairy. A cruel curse. A princess enchanted by a spell.  Tongue-twisting and funny words.  What more could I want?  A dragon!  Exactly. The story is similar to Sleeping Beauty so suitable for girls and dragon-perfect for boys.  Great illustrations by Howard Fine

The Knight and the Dragon story and pictures by Tomie dePaola

I love this book because it is very simple and not a lot of words.  The story is about a knight that has never fought a dragon and a dragon that has never fought a knight.  So guess what?  They both go to their respective libraries to learn how, craft their weapons and practice.  It just turns out that they are not very good at fighting.  I used the pictures to have BabyD tell me what’s happening.  It turns out that the dragon and knight are friends in the end.  Ah…if only.

The Great Dragon Rescue by M. P. Robertson

This is a great book for young fans of fantasy (or children to the parents that love fantasy).  George is a boy who happens to have a dragon as a friend.  One day his dragon swoops him up and they go to a magical land where they find a witch has held a baby dragon captive.  This is a solid story, not too scary or overly-jubliant, but a great tale of flying dragons and witches.

The Dragon Snatcher by M. P. Robertson

This is a great book to groom your young dragon rider.  George’s dragon friend comes for a visit and together they discover that a wizard has been snatching dragon eggs.  They go out on adventure together to find the wizard and save the eggs.  Again a great solid story and perfect for developing early fans of fantasy.

You can check out the original recipe via the link, but below is my version.  I know it looks simple and you think “ah stir-fry, must add lots of veggies.” I say keep it simple sweetheart (you know I wouldn’t call you stupid) and let the simplicity surprise you.

Enjoy!

Ginger-Lime Beef Stir Fry

3 cups of prepared steamed rice (we like brown rice)

2 medium red bell pepper (go for the ones with the deepest colors, not the biggest of the bunch)

1 tsp vegetable oil

1 ½ pound boned beef top sirloin, fat-trimmed

1/3 cup lime juice and an extra splash

¼ cup honey

¼ cup hoisin sauce*

1 Tbsp soy sauce

3 Tbsp grated fresh ginger**

½ tsp hot chile flakes

¼ cup minced fresh cilantro

1.  Cook your favorite rice as desired.  I have to put the rice step first because our rice steamer takes forever and if I don’t do it first, all is lost.  Let’s just say it’s happened.

2. Rinse, stem and seed red bell pepper.  Cut pepper into strips about ¼ inch wide and 2 inches long.

3. Rinse beef and pat dry. Cut across the grain into 1/16- to 1/8-inch thick slices; cut slices into bite-size pieces.

4. In a small mixing bowl, stir together the lime juice, honey, hoisin sauce, soy sauce, ginger and hot chile flakes.  Set aside for the flavors to mix.

5. Pour oil into a 10- to 12-inch non-stick frying pan or wok over high heat.  When oil is hot, add bell pepper and stir just until tender-crisp to bite, about 3 minutes.  Pour from pan into a large bowl.

6. Add beef to pan.  Stir just until medium rare (just a little pink in center of pieces…don’t worry, it will still cook some more).  With a slotted spoon, transfer to bowl with pepper.

7. To meat juices in pan, add ginger-lime sauce.  Boil over high heat, stirring often until mixture is thick and reduced to about a ½ cup, about 7 minutes.  Add beef and bell pepper to pan and stir until every portion is well-coated, about 2-3 minutes.

8. Spoon beef stir-fry onto plates with rice and sprinkle with cilantro.

* Hoisin is a staple sauce in my pantry. It can be found in most grocery stores in the International/Asian section.  Look at the small jars, which is stupid because I could buy this in bulk. Yes, you can find it in small town Iowa.  Just try and thank me later.

** I have a ginger rule that may be complete BS.  I say to myself that 1 inch of ginger root (after peeling the skin off) sort of looks like what I imagine a tablespoon to be.  It’s called eyeballing it.  I tried to briefly verify this with the all-knowing interweb, but couldn’t find it.  Guess it’s a Not Just Another Jen ginger measurement.  Therefore in this recipe, grate approximately 3 inches (maybe a tad less) of a peeled ginger root.

He Let the Sunshine In by Celëne

I had an anniversary pass that I’d like to acknowledge.  Last year, July 29^th to be exact, I started writing (somewhat) regularly on this blog.  As I reread Where Have I Been? The answer is right where I started.  I’m still officially an unemployed, stay-at-home mom.  My kids drive me crazy, my sanity sometimes is buried under the weekly 6 loads of laundry and I’m still not having enough sex.  My house is a mess and I probably drink too much and watch too much tv.

But that’s not all necessarily true.  I need to give myself some credit.  Things have changed.  I’ve changed.  I’ve learned a lot this past year.

I know my Life is Good.  I am blessed with a beautiful family, live in a gorgeous area and community, I have a wealth of incredible friends and while I know there will continue to be big decisions to make around our family finances and what’s next on the career/vocation* department, I have faith that it will all work out well, we will be able to take care of ourselves and our future, and we do this with more joy in our lives.  I’m really committed to that outcome.

I also have my hard days: where I just feel blue, deeply contemplative, and challenged, especially by my boys.  I suspect there is some womanly chemistry that is involved and I’m looking into that.  Nonetheless, my life isn’t always a cheery walk in the park.  And I know the way out is through (I continue to credit MMW with that saying.)

I’ve learned that writing is a great form of expression for me.  Doing this blog brings a great release.  It gives my brain an opportunity to settle and at the same time stir up some crazy ideas.  Writing is birthing a new part of me.  I can feel something different inside building up that I really like.  I find it a little scary, kinda weird and a bit inspiring, so I’m just going to keep going in this direction.  I have some blog improvements in mind and I look forward to your feedback and interactions during this process.  I just know that writing my brain on loudspeaker is making a difference for me and I’d love to make a difference for others and how they see their world and lives.  Yeah, kumbaya and all that stuff.

I’ve also learned that I see something familiar, a pattern maybe, about faith and magic and I need to find a way to capture it in words.  My faith is as strong as ever and as I put more focus on understanding and using my faith, it grows.  I realize that this sounds very strange and any words of support and encouragement here are welcome.

Finally, I am learning that good relationships are golden.  I love deeply those where we can fully be ourselves (my sassy, pain-in-the-ass, and charming self) and accept one another’s quirks — laugh about them, call out each other on them, support each other in them, learn from them, share a drink over them and walk together with them.  Those are good friends.  That’s a good husband.  Those are my lovely children that we’re sharing time and space with.  I am rich in this area and want to continue cultivating these lifelong, solid and tenuous, relationships.  Thank you ladies, thank you blog community, thank you Husband, thank you boys, and thank you my dear nuclear and extended family.

Cheers to another good year!

* My awesome friend and co-word nerd, Tiffany Fox, recently posted on Facebook as her status message the following which I love and wanted to share:

‎”The etymology of vocation versus career is most revealing. The word vocation comes from the Latin word ‘vocare’ or ‘to call.’ It denotes a voice summoning a person to a unique purpose. The word career derives from the Latin word for cart and the Middle French word for race track. It denotes quickly moving in a circle,… never going anywhere.” — Brett & Kate McKay, The Art of Manliness

And PLEASE by all means watch the video, it’s ALL ABOUT the hair and those guys are ugly mofos.  But yeah, gotta love some Foreigner.

Anyway, I just got my first blog award and I’m doing the So Awesome Dance (just not to Foreigner…maybe “Just Can’t Get Enough” from Depeche Mode, but I’ll spare you).  I am honored and tickled to receive this award from Heligirl.  She’s totally awesome because she’s a jen, but she’s also a mom of two, a part time public relations manager, a freelance journalist, a dog mom, and a licensed helicopter pilot in Seattle…and oh yeah, an avid blogger (whew!).  She’s also way up on positive parenting techniques, which we all can use good tips and support of other positive parents.  Be sure to check her out and tell her I sent you.  THANK YOU HELIGIRL! (#1 done. Check!)

Now, on to the rules

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you this award.
2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Pass this award along to five bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic for whatever reason!
4. Contact the bloggers you’ve picked and let them know about the award.

Seven Things

1. I LOVE lists.  You will often find post-its all over my desk and in my purse with lists of stuff.  Groceries, ideas for my blog, things I need to do, books I want to read, and music I want to get from the library are all common occurrences.
2. When swing was king (for the second reign in the 1990s), I went out and danced three times a week.  I also had an addiction to vintage clothes and furniture (still have a few dresses and Heywood Wakefield pieces).  I was even bold enough (but not quite good enough) to compete a small bit.  It was loads and loads of fun and swing dancing brought lots of joy to my life.  Swing introduced me to salsa, tango and other forms of ballroom and my love of dance was reignited.
3. I really did leave a tiny piece of my heart in San Francisco.  It still hurts when I think about it too long.
4. I crack up every time I see this picture of myself as an 8^th grade cheerleader in Texas.  OMG, that was some weird shit and it was serious.
5. I deeply believe that we’re all connected, karma is real, positivity begets more positivity (the reverse is also true), what you think about you bring about and words wield magic.
6. I have a story that has been brewing inside my imagination and is aching to get out.  Tiffany Fox, I do believe you’ve given me a key, but I can’t wait 52 weeks to tell the tale!
7. I love my life, where we live, my darling husband, and my surprising and sunny two little boys.  I love my larger family, cherish my dear friends, respect where I came from and am proud that I’ve lived my life without many regrets.

(#2 done. Check!)

Blogger Award

Bloggers I am awarding and that I have recently discovered are mostly local.  It’s been good to find and great to know that we may have a good-sized mom blog community in San Diego.  Please excuse my short list of local love, but these are actually women that I’m reading regularly or Tweeting with.

Red Lotus Mama – we share a love for SYTYCD and wine

Mama Mary Show – also a viewer on SYTYCD and I’m hoping that she’ll do a SD Mom Blogger National Dance Day get together (and that I’ll be invited).

Sugar in the Raw – she’s a little bit crazy and I like moms like that

Kara-Noel from EliLids – not necessarily local local, but regionally local. She’s really cool, I like her company and she just had a wee one

Jennifer (aka La Jolla Jennifer or jen_eration_X) – because we share a love of all things 80s, especially the music

SuferWife – because she’s cool, rubs elbows with the rich and famous (and talks about it), shares the same dream job as me, and our kids are going to the same elementary school.  Yeah!

And two of my most favorite bloggers (I’m stealing this from you JerseyGirl) that I think I know in life, but really don’t.  Yeah, I’ve known them for a while, but I want to share their goodness.  And I do consider them blog friends:

Dirty Little Secret – she’s a jen and awesomely sarcastic and snarky

The Mommyologist – she’s not a jen, but witty, awesome at creating community and incredibly generous

(#3 done plus bonus two. Check!)

Now, I realize that some people think that these kinds of awards are lame.  I get it. I really do.  So I’m okay if you don’t post the award or participate.  Just know that I think of you as an awesome blogger that I like to read and appreciate. I hope you meet this award with good cheer and pass it along.  Cheers friends!

I can remember meeting Simon for the first time.  Not only is he a Brit, but also he has a wicked sense of humor.  His story about coming to America with his brother is an honest to god knee-slapper.  Jen, well obviously she’s awesome because she’s a jen.  I’ve always admired her chill demeanor and sexy pixie cut.  They are the kind of couple that I LOVE to hang with: lovers of life, good food, great drinks, lots of laughter and a clean design aesthetic.

I decided back in March that I am really committed to blogging and I wanted to elevate my game.  My WordPress free theme just wasn’t cutting it for me and I wanted to go pro.  I was in need of a ‘look’ and I knew just who I wanted to help me.  The Bucktrouts have this great flat in the Norpa neighborhood of San Francisco.  They have this huge wall in their kitchen that is painted a funky golden green, which very few people could pull off, but the Bucktrouts have a way of making odd things very cool, stylish and simple.  There’s a lot of cartoon Mom imagery in the blogosphere and that’s just not me.  My experience of motherhood isn’t all cute and funny and I’m a lot more than a mom.  I’m Not Just Another Jen.  I wanted a logo that was funky and stood out like the color of their kitchen wall.

Bucktrout Creative answered my plea and promises of lots of good wine.  You see, Simon’s been in design for a long time and somehow he has convinced Jen to join him as a partner, not only in marriage, but business.  And it’s working.  Well.  I couldn’t be happier with what they came up with for me.  It SO FITS and makes me want to shake my booty every time I think about it.  It’s a little bit naughty and a little bit nice.  It’s a little bit funky and a little bit ice.  It’s a bit green and very keen.  Okay, enough with the rhyming, but DAMN I like it so much.  So thanks dear friends.

If you like a clean, simple and smart design, give them a call.  At the very least you should look at their portfolio (once you click, scroll down, there’s lots), but don’t be intimidated.  They do all kinds of projects large and small. You should know that they are bad asses, totally awesome, kind, professional, and good people and I know that they would love to work with other fun and cool bloggers.

Cheers Bucktrouts, the next round is on me.  Love you guys the mostest.  I’ll be forever indebted.  So what do y’all think of the new look?  (logo only…I’m still working on the damn layout and f’n widgets…ugh!)