Vision Boarding around the dining room table

I am very thankful for the friends that came out for my Vision Board Party last Saturday.  This was the first time that I ever lead a group in the process.  I’ve done a vision board for the past three years as a guest of my friend and neighbor, Wendi.  She had co-hosted a party at a friend’s posh home in Del Mar and they set the bar really high, so I was a little hesitant to go on my own.

What is a vision board party you ask?  Well, a vision board is a visual representation of your yearly goals, dreams, aspirations and intentions.  At a vision board party, you come together and cut out pictures, words and phrases from piles of your saved magazines that represent how you envision your life of the future considering areas of health, money, career, relationships, travel, learning, special projects, etc. Oh and there’s champagne.  Well at least at my vision board party.  It IS a party after all.

My 2010 Vision Board served me well

Through the years I have found vision boards tremendously helpful and have been surprised by what transpires from the images that I have in front of me. I keep my board above my desk at home and sit quietly everyday looking at it.  At the very least it is a visual reminder of my goals.  At the very best, it is a practice of “calling in” what I want from the Universe.  Some of you may consider it prayer or meditation, but to me a vision board is a physical creation of just that.  I don’t want to get too woo-woo on you.  While I am spiritual, I am also very pragmatic.

Doing it in the family room

Well I sent my invitation to too many people and with two-weeks notice knowing that just the ‘right’ group would show up.  And they did!  Fifteen wonderful friends – some new, some old.  Not everyone had done a board before and not everyone could stay all the way through.  But those who did stay participated and walked away with a good start.  I, however, played hostess, fully well knowing that I need more time.  Lots more time.

Prior to the party, I made a lesson plan* for myself, knowing what I wanted to say in the set-up and group meditation.  I wanted everyone to get the basic principles of “what you think about you bring about,” the use of imagination and trusting your intuition in this process.  I had great quotes that I wanted to share and kick the experience off right.  The big hug from Tiffany confirmed that my intention was heard and I’d done good.

Some of us even did it outside (Thank You San Diego weather!)

I am grateful for the wonderful comments, emails, pictures, text messages and hugs I have received from our group.  I’m so glad that we came together to share our goals and dreams and create something that contributes to your success.  For those newbies, I’m particularly thankful that you trusted the process and gave it a try.  I so very much look forward to next year’s party!  And yes!  I’ll have another.  Thank you for trusting me, sharing with me and playing with me.

Cheers!

“The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in the thing makes it happen.”    — Frank Lloyd Wright

“Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach.  Check your road and the nature of your battle.  The world you desire can be won.  It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.”   — Ayn Rand

“The Universe knows all things and is responding to the vibration that you are sending.  When you are sending your vibration on purpose, you are orchestrating what the Universe is aligning for you.”   — Abraham Hicks

* If you are interested in hosting your own Vision Board Party and would like a host/facilitator’s guide let me know, I’d gladly share my invitation and notes.

Added February 23rd, here is my finished board…finally!

He Let the Sunshine In by Celëne

I had an anniversary pass that I’d like to acknowledge.  Last year, July 29^th to be exact, I started writing (somewhat) regularly on this blog.  As I reread Where Have I Been? The answer is right where I started.  I’m still officially an unemployed, stay-at-home mom.  My kids drive me crazy, my sanity sometimes is buried under the weekly 6 loads of laundry and I’m still not having enough sex.  My house is a mess and I probably drink too much and watch too much tv.

But that’s not all necessarily true.  I need to give myself some credit.  Things have changed.  I’ve changed.  I’ve learned a lot this past year.

I know my Life is Good.  I am blessed with a beautiful family, live in a gorgeous area and community, I have a wealth of incredible friends and while I know there will continue to be big decisions to make around our family finances and what’s next on the career/vocation* department, I have faith that it will all work out well, we will be able to take care of ourselves and our future, and we do this with more joy in our lives.  I’m really committed to that outcome.

I also have my hard days: where I just feel blue, deeply contemplative, and challenged, especially by my boys.  I suspect there is some womanly chemistry that is involved and I’m looking into that.  Nonetheless, my life isn’t always a cheery walk in the park.  And I know the way out is through (I continue to credit MMW with that saying.)

I’ve learned that writing is a great form of expression for me.  Doing this blog brings a great release.  It gives my brain an opportunity to settle and at the same time stir up some crazy ideas.  Writing is birthing a new part of me.  I can feel something different inside building up that I really like.  I find it a little scary, kinda weird and a bit inspiring, so I’m just going to keep going in this direction.  I have some blog improvements in mind and I look forward to your feedback and interactions during this process.  I just know that writing my brain on loudspeaker is making a difference for me and I’d love to make a difference for others and how they see their world and lives.  Yeah, kumbaya and all that stuff.

I’ve also learned that I see something familiar, a pattern maybe, about faith and magic and I need to find a way to capture it in words.  My faith is as strong as ever and as I put more focus on understanding and using my faith, it grows.  I realize that this sounds very strange and any words of support and encouragement here are welcome.

Finally, I am learning that good relationships are golden.  I love deeply those where we can fully be ourselves (my sassy, pain-in-the-ass, and charming self) and accept one another’s quirks — laugh about them, call out each other on them, support each other in them, learn from them, share a drink over them and walk together with them.  Those are good friends.  That’s a good husband.  Those are my lovely children that we’re sharing time and space with.  I am rich in this area and want to continue cultivating these lifelong, solid and tenuous, relationships.  Thank you ladies, thank you blog community, thank you Husband, thank you boys, and thank you my dear nuclear and extended family.

Cheers to another good year!

* My awesome friend and co-word nerd, Tiffany Fox, recently posted on Facebook as her status message the following which I love and wanted to share:

‎”The etymology of vocation versus career is most revealing. The word vocation comes from the Latin word ‘vocare’ or ‘to call.’ It denotes a voice summoning a person to a unique purpose. The word career derives from the Latin word for cart and the Middle French word for race track. It denotes quickly moving in a circle,… never going anywhere.” — Brett & Kate McKay, The Art of Manliness

I once read this book called Radical Honesty: How to Transform Your Life by Telling the Truth.  I was going through a major upheaval in my life when I read it.  You know the kind where everything is in question and up for review.  Well, this book made the most profound dent in my brain.  Everything in it just made perfect sense.  Basically the book evaluates why we lie and how much we lie.  The little white ones, the big scary ones, the ones we tell ourselves, the ones we tell friends and family, the ones we tell total strangers.  It’s stressful.  It will drive you crazy.  At that time in my life, I recognized that I too had that bad habit so I went about changing it.  One of the key principles (which you can read on the jacket) is that by not telling our friends, family, lovers, or bosses about what we do, feel, or think keeps us locked in the jail of our minds (the crazy making part).  The way out is to get good at telling the truth.  So that’s what I started doing.  And yes, it set me free.

I think that book along with a therapist that I went to for a few months, personal development workshops and a shit load of self help books, I think I got my head on pretty straight (for the most part) and got a lot of practice at figuring out my feelings and then saying what needed to be said in my relationships.  Relationships to me are paramount.  When we lose sight of those important ones (you reading this, Jesse James?) all shit hits the fan.  The greatest gift you can ever give someone is the gift of you over time.  That equals love.  Love of some kind or fashion.  Even if you hate the person and there’s some sort of f’d up dysfunction and they’re still in your life (like an alcoholic parent or toxic friend for example), there’s some sort of love there or else why would you keep them around, right?

About that really tumultuous time in my life I also decided I wanted real relationships.  I wanted real friends to know the real me and know that they would love me any way.  I’d love them in return for who they really are.  I didn’t want to be fake anymore.  I didn’t want to lie to get someone to like me.  I declared to live an authentic life and started looking for real people to be in my real life.  I got a bit of a do-over.  I know for some you this either sounds incredibly like a John Hughes movie or a new-age encounter weekend.  Whatever.  Hopefully you figured this shit out before you got out of high school.  But for me, it hit around age 25.  I guess age doesn’t really matter.  Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, got there whenever she got there.  The point is I hope you get there.  It’s a nice place to be.  Anyways…I digress….

So this honesty thing that I have going has me consistently risking intimacy.  If I don’t say what I see or am feeling, how do I know that you don’t feel the same way too?  What if we had that in common?  How would you ever understand me if I didn’t share?  How would I ever understand you if we don’t put ourselves out there, right?  Blogging is a huge forum onto which we get to better know ourselves (through writing) and others.  I love it.  I so totally feel a community here (thank you MamaKat, JerseyGirl, Scary Mommy, JennyMac, Jen @ Playgroups are No Place for Children, and The (Un)Experienced Mom, to name a few…damn, I do need to do a blog roll, don’t I?)

And sometimes I get that look in my eye and Lola (my BF) asks me, “What did you do now?”  Wait for it…yes, Honestly Jen! (please proceed with sigh and eye roll)  Sometimes I say things that I second guess or wish I could keep my mouth shut, but just can’t.  Like talking about my married sex life on my blog or that one time I was hanging with a new family member and I blurted out asked this stunning woman what is it like being a beauty with lots of freckles.  (It’s not often you run into that combination just like there are very few attractive gingers – men with red hair, unless you’re in Halifax, Nova Scotia where they apparently thrive!)  Yes, I am the friend that will tell you that your butt looks fat in those pants if it really looks fat (hopefully, you solicited my opinion because, girl, if I’m telling you without the solicitation then your butt really looks fat and we’re really good friends!).  I know…Honestly Jen!

Here’s the kicker.  The payoff is pretty darn good!  I’ve had more fun, laughter and deeper relationships because I was willing to risk putting myself out there and just saying it.  Yeah, I’ve made a few mistakes, cringed a good number of times, but more often than not I’ve made friends, someone smile, and opened doors for greater understanding of each other.  I know when I make a mess, I need to clean it up.  I take responsibility for my Big Mouth (cue The Smiths).  And I’ve had to do that (particularly with Husband last week) a good number of times and I’ve lost a few precious people along the way.  But I’m learning to wield my word as my weapon and to do it wisely.  Seek your truth and speak it, young Jedi.  Take a look around to your traveling companions on this road called life.  Do they KNOW you?  Can you speak honestly to them and them to you?  REALLY?  Time’s a wasting.  Get busy making changes and tell those that you want to keep how much you love them and what they mean to you.  Risk yourself.  You have much more love and laughter to gain.

Remember our old friend Billy Joel?  He said it well and I’ll close with those lyrics, but with a footnote.  I don’t find ‘Honesty’ a lonely word.  In fact, it’s brought us closer together.  Cheers to living honestly.

If you search for tenderness
It isn’t hard to find
You can have the love you need to live
But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind
It always seems to be so hard to give

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

There’s some level of acceptance for me to get to, but I’m just not there yet.  I know that I need to and will lose the 10 pounds that I gained over the holidays.  Hell, bathing suit season is right around the SoCal corner.  And I know that if you saw me you’d say, “Shut up. You look fine.”  I’m just saying it’s all perspective, sister.  I want to feel good about the outside from the inside.

I need an immersion of reassurance.  That’s certainly what I found when I read Mary Beth William’s Mom’s First Nude Shoot.  It’s a story of how she got naked with her other 40-something, mommy poker friends for a photo shoot in Time Out (NY) magazine.  The story wasn’t about her feeling empowered (however, I hope that was a byproduct of the experience), but more to the point of having the courage to be looked at, and a level of vulnerability, grace, and acceptance of who she really is.  Yep, that was a courageous act, not just disrobing.  I’m not ready to play poker with those girls, but I really like the acceptance piece.

Maybe I need to go to Harbin again.  It was always a hideaway where I was confronted with nudity and reassured that I’m normal.  A trip to Harbin reminded me that there is a WIDE spectrum of body shapes and sizes, and I have no room to complain.  Sitting (naked) in those hot springs was always a good reset button on my body-mind-spirit.  Maybe I just need another trip to San Francisco again, where I always felt Nirvana “Come As You Are” is a theme song (but not the psycho gun part).

I want to feel comfortable in my skin not just for me, but on behalf of my boys.  Not that I go around parading my nudity, nor do I want to quickly cover or chide them for coming into my room when I’m getting dressed (well at least while they’re still young and it’s not weird).  I just want to feel proud of my body, all that it’s gone through, and all the strength it’s needed to get through this life.  I do love my life and I want to love my body.  It’s done good.  I want to be thankful and I am, I just want to remember to be more “hot stuff” and less “ugh” when I look in the mirror.  I think Husband most of all would appreciate the “hot stuff” part.

Yes, I’m doing my Sanity Friday three mile beach walk.  Yes, I’ve been going to Jazzercize for two weeks now.  I’m taking the positive steps to physically feel better about my body, which will likely produce great results for the psychological side.  I guess when it comes down to it, I just want to see more of what’s real (thank you Lizzie, thank you Bonnie, and yes! thank you Leonard Nimoy) and not so much of the pretending and pretentiousness that’s out there.  Like if we could all get naked, and go, “oh, there you are” with all the bumps, scars, rolls and moles that we all have.  Does this make me some kind of weird nudist?  Really, I just want to know that I’m normal.  Then again I’m not just another jen.  So who knows.

I too, MB, want to be real, vulnerable, and courageous.  I have the faith that when I leap, I’ll land (possibly bruised, battered, but never broken).  But I see your rub, it’s the initial fear, the doubt, and the shitty internal dialogue that is there.  I think I just need to strip down, take a long real look, breathe in acceptance, and say “thank you.”  It is just boobies after all and they’re mine.

But first I need a drink and listen to Joan again.  Cheers friends!

This post included in Real Life’s Your Life Your Blog

I just watched one of the most smart, witty, romantic and ingenious movies I’ve seen in a long time, Lost in Austen. Very clever. If you are a fan of Jane Austen, have always struggled with understanding the attraction to Mr. Darcy, or get frustrated and still love the social rigidity of Georgian England, this movie is a must see.  Anyways, there was a part of the movie that literally made me laugh so hard (because it was incredibly unexpected) that I almost woke up Baby.  Husband later asked me what was so funny.  Yeah, I don’t think that was so funny to him. (For those that watch the movie-“Will you do me one little favor?”  OMG, that was a knee slapper!)

The other day, I was running errands and I always enjoy looking at people in their cars while we’re together at a stop light.   Just so happened, that I was behind a handsome older man driving a Porsche Carrera Convertible.  This happens a lot in Southern California; they’re not hard to find.  Ok, so I checked him out.  Then I looked at his license plate frame that read Kairos Prison Ministries.  Then I noticed the cross hanging from his review mirror.  For some reason, the license plate frame really struck my funny bone and I couldn’t stop laughing.

Now, please don’t get me wrong.  I’m glad that there are people out there in the world that do this work.  Seriously, God bless them.  However, I just found it incredibly ironic that someone that preaches the word of god drives a car that represents wealth, and some would even say excess.  Didn’t we learn from the faith-based fraud of the 80s?  I judge too quickly.  Maybe he came by the Porsche honestly.  Maybe he’s a man of former wealth who now can devote his time comforting and counseling others.  It still strikes me as funny ha-ha and funny strange.  Nonetheless, it kept me laughing all the way to Target.

Today, is one of those days.  Thankfully, I have quiet time enough to write this.  The boys just want to push each others’ buttons (and my buttons too!) and I have 10 loads of laundry to wash and fold and this awfully messy house to get in order or I’m gonna lose it.  I called some friends for advice, which has been great (thank you ladies!).  And in writing this, I know I just need to let go and laugh more with them.  I’ll find a laughing activity when they both get up.  I’m lucky to have the opportunity to be with them.  Look, we all know there will always be more laundry.

Is today’s post about letting go and letting god?  Or just laughing a little more with god?  I dunno.  But I know she likes to laugh too.  Cheers friends!

P.S.  Blogher of Hapiheart, I love you!  It was great to find you and I hope you don’t mind me “borrowing” you awesome laughing Buddha.  I’m a fan of yours and look forward to reading more regularly.  We need more of you and your conversation in the world!  Thank you!

Here’s what I learned.  I need more quiet time.  Plain and simple.

I realize that being a SAHM (stay at home mom) means that you’re home a lot.  Sure you might leave the house during the week to run errands, go to the park, or to the library.  But when do you really have a day off?  NEVER.  You come home to “your work.”  Ok, I realize that some women may be offended by relating my kids and home to work.  But I take my job seriously (and not so seriously too!  We have lots of fun and laughs).  Nonetheless, for me, being a SAHM is WORK.  I’ve been having a hard time legitimizing that!

My husband gets to GO to work then come home.  My home (and family) is my work.  I live in my work place.  I think I’ve been feeling the effects of what it must be like to work to live.  Work is never done.  I have felt overwhelmed and equally underwhelmed of late.  I’ve lost a sense of myself (probably at the bottom of the toy box) and I’ve dug my head under books and Bejeweled Blitz (damn that game!) to hide out and wallow.  I feel like I’ve been dazed and confused.

I used to work (out of the home) and it cost me.  It cost my sense of humor; perspective of my family and finances; and particularly my relationship with BigBoy (we like each other so much more now).  I always felt like I was just barely dog paddling enough to keep my head out of the water.  For those working moms who are keeping it together, I applaud you.  It’s fast paced dance, so good for you if you can keep up with the rhythm with some sort of grace and joy.

So enough complaining.  Lola helped to lift the fog.  I see that if I spent some more time engaged in the activities that I know take care of me, I’ll be happier, healthier, and have my head on straight.  Enough of the hitting myself on the head for not getting everything done.  I’m not gonna get it all done.  I know that.  I will find more joy and ease in my life (not to mention a sense of accomplishment in my day) if I do my meditations (5 minutes helps), morning yoga (5 sun salutations), and journaling (blogging helps too!).  I learned some great techniques for staying on the positive side of life from another great friend and teacher, Rita Hovakimian, that I know work!  So I’ve pulled out my old notebook from her class and started reading and writing.  Yeah!

I’ve always been a big supporter of afternoon quiet time (for all of us).  BigBoy doesn’t have to sleep, but play quietly in his room and Baby goes down for his nap.  Recently, I’ve not been rigorous about the amount of time, but I’m reinstating the 1-1/2 hour afternoon minimum (but I’d like to shoot for 2 hours!).  This is when I get to do what I want, not laundry or dishes (out of obligation), but uninterrupted time to lunch, relax, write, and read (moderately).  And yes, I’m blessed because I have kids that can stay (relatively) quietly in their own rooms.  The truth of the matter is that I need my down time.  It helps me listen to the unending story of garbage trucks just a little bit longer in the evening.  It helps me not want to yell at my husband when he walks in the door.  It helps me complain less and love this life a little more.  Because I really do cherish this time.

I also have Annie Witzmann to thank for taking care of my boys on Fridays.  I call them Sanity Fridays.  I get to do my own stuff without the boys.  It’s like a weekend (pre-kids) crammed into 8-hours.  Sometimes I pay the bills (I’ve learned that uninterrupted time means that they go on time with the right amounts!) and clean house, but other times I go to the movies (saw Whip It and loved it!) or walk on the beach.  So thank you god for having me hear this message.  Got it.  Shhh!  It’s quiet time.  Cheers and THANK YOU friends!

I’ll get to the point…The Gargoyle by first-timer Andrew Davidson is one of the best reads I’ve had in a long time (sorry C&B, but it’s true for me!).  While, I’d love to devour this book, I simply want to a savor it a few chapters at a time.  It’s so delicious and a touch decadent.  I like what The Providence Journal wrote, “Reads like the mad spawn of Anne Rice and Stephen King.”  It has the gothic love story and the brutal honesty and wit of terrifying events.  There are absolutely points in the beginning of the book where I read it with one eye open, but I kept reading and don’t want to stop.  And I must give my sincere kudos to Andrew’s excellent writing (the kind of writing where I want to underline the sentence and repeat it over and over again because it sounds so good or there’s just enough interesting words that I want to look them up in the dictionary because I’m a word nerd).  And yes, I’d like to be on a first name basis with the writer.  People that have that kind of dark sense of humor and still are with hope and peace are my kind of people.

So read it if you like to fall fast in love with a dark tale.  I’ll be devouring the rest of it today at the beach.  It is Sanity Friday, you know (the boys go to day care on Fridays!  Whoohoo!).  I think I’ll even pack a square of chocolate (however, it will be Hershey’s) to really kick off this Labor Day weekend.  Cheers!

* Damn you Scharffen Berger!  I will NEVER forgive you for this! However a couple of boxes may have me reconsider my position.

P.S.  Dear Random House, I really prefer the above cover to the one with the woman.  (reader note above book link)  The woman on the cover, while sexy, wouldn’t attract me to read the book if I stumbled up on it at the library or used book store.  The cover with the woman looks like all the books in the 60% off section of big box book stores.  Go with the singed gothic look.  Thank you.

Where am I these days? Am I lost? No. Well maybe a little bit. I’m working on finding my way through a storm.

Am I okay? Yes, but weary. I need to find my peaceful waters. I am close. I can feel it.

So, how do I get there? Writing. I can feel my way through. It always helps to write what’s working first. There are undeniable, beautiful things in my life right now. So I’ll start there.

Holy cow (as Drew is fond of saying right now)…Encinitas is simply beautiful! I thank god often for being able to enjoy my life here. The ocean, blue skies, palm trees (f’ing palm trees – sometimes I want to gag, sometimes I want to giggle) and the completely sublime weather. (I swear if I had a dollar for every person that complains about the weather here! There are so many complainers and I COMPLETELY do not understand what there is to gripe about!) It’s summertime and it couldn’t be more spectacular weather. Hell, I’m taking the boys and going to the beach today for a few hours. Not bad, eh?

Those boys – I was laid off in January and the blessing is that I’ve gotten to discover who these gorgeous little blondie boys are. I have two: BigBoy is 4 ½ and BabyD is 1 ½ . To me they are simply stunning and often they take my breath away with their smiles. It’s funny that I once couldn’t even think of myself as a mom and here I am blown over by two half pints. The boys are the best gift I’ve ever received – and wow, they are a gift that keeps on giving.

My husband – I’ve got a good’en (as Grammy would say). And I should be WAY MORE generous with him than I am (god help me). Husband is reliable, trustworthy, tall and charming, can carry on a conversation and is witty, he’s handsome and sweet-hearted, handy and a super-duper Daddy. He’s also a thick-headed guy sometimes who needs to slow down and listen and think more with his heart. But isn’t that most men? He’s my husband, we’re so married and we’re going the distance because I love him madly. And yes, I am challenged. It’s what I asked for I suppose. (cue Aimee Mann “You’ve got, what you want. You can’t hardly stand it.”)

These are the things I know to be TRUE. You should also know that I am a woman of faith. Not like in god with a capital G (tho I’m not opposed to using that word because it’s how most of us label our belief, but I’ll use a small g, thankyouverymuch). Maybe it’s more that I believe in Magic, but not like the capital W (tho I don’t rule that out either). It’s more that I believe in the beautiful, simple, small miracles. I believe that the world works, good triumphs over evil, words and thoughts can shape and shift reality in a blink of an eye. It’s a tingly feeling that makes things happen. It’s like all the good of Disneyland when you’re a kid and letting go of my adult cynicism of marketing, money and mouse ears. As my friend Victoria would say, it’s getting in the flow.

So what’s my problem? Like many of us – financial strain, of course. Finding what’s real for me as related to my next career/job. Ideally I want work that is authentic for me, a real expression of who I am. Can I just do a job and be thankful for a paycheck? Maybe, I just need to get over myself. I dunno, you tell me. This all leads me to my biggest struggle – many families’ dilemma. Do I work to put my kids in someone else’s care? I love the people that care for my boys, please don’t get me wrong, but often it’s just about equal: my pay would pay for day care and that’s about it. (and when I say day care, yes, BigBoy would go to preschool). This seems too crazy to comprehend.

And if we can make this work and I can stay home, will I finally lose my identity under a load of laundry? It could happen, trust me. For god sakes, I already drive a minivan. Sometimes I even am repulsed when I think of myself driving 80 down the 5 freeway with my venti latte in one hand and singing Madonna at the top of my lungs (Oh the cliché! Oh the horror! My kids may not play soccer yet, but it’s coming!)

I also will be going to hell (if I believed in hell) because I care about how I look. Vanity is a sin, isn’t it? It’s strange to live in Southern California where people barely wear clothes and 40 IS right around the corner! Really, I just want to feel good about myself, but aging in getting in the way. I know…from the inside out and all that stuff. But have you looked in the mirror lately and said, “Where did that come from?” The real question is where is it going?

And another thing…I need more sex. Let me be clear – with my husband. You know the emotional clogging that gets in the way of really letting it go? (women, back me up here) Well we’re in need of emotional Drain-O! And I struggle here. You’d think with all this writing and putting it out on the internet, I wouldn’t have a problem talking with my husband, but I do.

And that brings me back to the beginning…I write because I can’t afford therapy right now. Writing will help me find my calmer waters and fix my drains. So have a drink with me and let’s toast to the sea!