BigBoy brought me coffee in bed, which was so sweet, but then he looked intently in my eyes and said, “Yep, you look old Mom.”  Great.  Hello, Forty.

Yes, I turned forty.  Yes, Four-Ohhhh.  As in “Ohhh my goodness, can I really be that old?”  Yes. I am four decades old.  Wow. Can’t hardly wrap my brain around that.

I know a lot of people that have treated this birthday as no big deal (they are mostly men).  I know it weighs heavily on others (mostly women).  Forty is a big milestone, it’s not jut another birthday.  It means something.  It’s another chapter.  It’s the other side of the hill.  I mean c’mon, we very likely could live another 40 years, right?  That IS the plan.

Last year I had dinner with two guy friends from high school and we were laughing at the prospect of turning 40.  Mr. PX90 had taken on a personal campaign of Fit at 40 and I thought, why not? I too could make a change in my health, a friend’s father had just past, my Dad just had stints put into his heart, and I was feeling deeply reflective on life;  feeling like I needed to make a change (see “pay now or pay later” to see where I’m coming from).

I have spent the last year eating better, learning more about food and how it works (or doesn’t) for my body, and I found an exercise program that I love.  So yes, I’m fit at forty and in the best shape I’ve been in the last 10 years.  In fact last weekend, I bought my first two-piece bathing suit in 13 years.  My recent visit to Palm Springs really did a number on me and I cringed at being the only woman in the resort pool who was wearing a one piece (and wasn’t pregnant). My friends thought I was a weirdo for wearing a beach cover-up walking to the restroom.  Really, it wasn’t necessary.  There was a lot more skin around the pool to look at.  No one was looking at me other than “what is that woman thinking???”  I need to get over my modest, Southern ways and show more skin.  It’s what women do in SoCal even at my age (which is ridiculous, I know).  I’m just subscribing to the notion that everything looks better tanned (even stretch marks).  So I’m doing it.  Somebody, please get me a drink, please. I’m gonna need that liquid courage.

And then I look at my lovely community of friends, neighbors and family and I am RICH.  I love the people in my life.  My girlfriends are smart, funny, diverse and priceless.  I am blessed to have two beautiful little boys that make me laugh and teach me so much.  My husband is patient and kind, and we’re learning together what it is to have a long-term committed marriage.  My relationship with my original family is good even though I don’t see them as much as I would like to. I practice acceptance and gratitude with my in-laws and that’s moving in a positive direction.

I have designed my work life to be inclusive of my family as a WAHM.  I am able to financially contribute doing work that I enjoy (community manager for small businesses using social media and marketing communications), which is cool.  And I can still drop off and pick up the kids and participate a bit with school activities, which I feel is important to be involved at that community level.  Do it while I can, I say. Pretty soon my kids won’t want me to be around at all.

So life is good.  I’m doing good.  I believe that I have the power to change the things that I don’t like and I know what I am at work on.  I’d like to write more.  I’d like to spend more time in my yard with my family.  There are things that I would like to buy and change about my house, but I know that will come in time.  Nothing is broken and all is well as it is.

My hope for you is that when you turn forty you too will say, “all is well.”  And you’ll continue to say that every birthday through the monumental ones and the insignificant ones.  And those years when you’re not feeling it, you figure out what you need to change and you go out and make a difference for yourself.  Because I believe we all can.  It just depends on how important it is to you.  When you’re truly sick of whining about your life then you’ll really do something about it.

I believe in the words, “if you don’t love your life then shame on you.”

Having a well-lived life is important to me.  It’s meaningful for me to be healthy, have a happy family life, live in community with others and be well in body, spirit and mind.  It’s not rainbows and butterflies, but I work at it because it’s what gives my life meaning.  It’s what’s true for me.

Turning 40 has been an opportunity to reflect on that milestone.  And all I feel is joy and gratitude.  I hope you’ll feel it too.

Between marriage and motherhood and the day to day shuffle, I feel as though pieces of me have slipped away and when I see them now and again, I’m pleasantly surprised.  It’s like bumping into an old friend and picking up where we left off.

Sometimes it takes good friends to help you remember and sometimes it is simply a stranger.  Those sweet little moments and interactions when I am reminded of the pieces of me are still around are moments of divine intervention.  On the verge of turning the Big 4-0, that was a MUCH NEEDED reconnection.  I relish the instant recognition of “oh here I am” and say thank you to the genius of the moment.

Maybe it’s not that pieces of me slip away, maybe they just get tucked away in little drawers.  I am all here all the time; I just forget what drawer I put the piece in.  It’s always nice to stumble upon it.  It’s the same kind of joy when you find a $20 bill in a coat from last winter.  I get giddy and giggle.  It’s not uncommon to hear me laugh to myself and it’s not necessarily because I found a dollar in my pocket.

I think that’s the coolest thing about getting older. I am becoming more and more of me all the time.  More solid and sure of what I am and who I am.  I’m pretty aware of my past disappointments and sadness.  I’ve washed out that baggage and now they are tucked neatly in its drawer.  I’ve learned from those lessons and now I’m living my life with joy in the forefront, happy in my skin and what lay before me. I am savoring the good parts and working on those things that I need to change.  There is still work to do, but I’m content to be doing the work because of my faith that life only keeps getting better.

This reminds me evermore about my favorite Henry Miller quote: The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.  Well I certainly got that this past weekend.

On this Thankful Thursday, I want to give a shout out to Veronyka at Moving Body Fitness, the Parmely Sisters and our bride-to-be’s buddies.  Last weekend was a f*cking fantastic weekend of drunken awareness for which I will long-time be grateful.  Cheers ladies.

I love them. I hate them. I love them. And I'm DAMN proud to be the 4th sister!

An ode to woman for which you shouldn’t be surprised
Because we come from the same cloth, Shane Parmely, you and I.

We are true sisters from a long away tribe
that had feistiness and spriteliness and goddess inside.
For you see my all of me, the warts and beauty within
you bring out my sexiness and happiness and skin!

For you, I am greatful* and thrilled that we’re friends,
but truly I know we are sisters of kin.

And your sisters are my sisters and friends of friends
For when we are together, may the good times never end!
For you are a very happy spot in my life
That is forever truthful and mighty and I take in stride

But one thing’s for sure and will not deny
You are my sista sista
and friend
you and I

Inspired by the outrageous group of women at Sister Anna’s Palm Spring 1^st Annual Bachelorette Party.  Cheers ladies and friends of friends!

*yes, goddammit I know I misspelled the word

We moved to this neighborhood in 2006 from San Francisco. Thanks to our neighbors, Patty & Bruce, we immediately met a bunch of our neighbors, but at the time there weren’t many with kids at our age (or so I thought). Since BigBoy has gone to kindergarten, it’s like all of a sudden lots of school age children have appeared right around the corner from us. And what makes it even cooler is that there are lots and lots of boys. And what’s even awesomer (yes, that’s a word)…I like the moms!  C’mon, tell the truth, you don’t love all the women you meet?

Pilar, Tanya, Me, Michelle, Lucky Dame & Therese

Relationships with other moms warrants a blog post all on its own. It’s full of land mines and missteps. I feel so lucky and thankful to have connected with the lovely ladies of my block. One of them is even a blogger, Lucky Dame, so we have that in common too. All the ladies live within two blocks of each other and our boys range from 18 months – 9 years old (2nd graders). There’s enough of a spread that someone always has a playmate (well except for when BigBoy decides to quiet his mind by himself). Jelly Bean is the youngest so we really have to keep our eyes on him when he’s out of his high chair, but he’ll be running with the big boys in no time.

Often times, we extend an invitation to other friends and MOBs (Moms of Boys) who are outside our block. Sometimes, the lovely Therese joins us. You want to hate her, but can’t help but to love her.  She’s the friend without kids that we jealously hear about her great trips and glamorous life. She adds a touch of class to our group and always brings great wine.  Damn her flat belly, but then again tiny Tanya doesn’t have one either.

Every Friday around 3:00, you can find us at one of our homes. Sometimes we play Rummikub, but mostly you can count on us hovering near the food and wine, handing out juiceboxes. The big boys generally are outside playing tag or soccer while the littlest boys (BabyD and Juice Box) are playing with trains in another room.

Food, wine, exercise tips, body image, professional advice, sanity support, and marital advice are just some of the things we’ve shared.  Trouble and unexplained bruises generally occurs when Pilar is the afternoon’s mixologist, but we’re not nearly as crazy as you might imagine (okay maybe a little).  Mostly it’s just good clean fun.  We have shared so many great laughs, supportive words, kind hugs, and even dance moves. We all feel truly thankful and damn lucky to have found each other — a great group of women and their boys that all get along and play well together. It’s been so wonderful to have friends like these and right around the block. Thanks gals for the fun and friendship!  Cheers to you!

What are you most thankful for this week? Leave a comment and let me know and if you blog, feel free to borrow my button and link to your Thankful Thursday post.

Vision Boarding around the dining room table

I am very thankful for the friends that came out for my Vision Board Party last Saturday.  This was the first time that I ever lead a group in the process.  I’ve done a vision board for the past three years as a guest of my friend and neighbor, Wendi.  She had co-hosted a party at a friend’s posh home in Del Mar and they set the bar really high, so I was a little hesitant to go on my own.

What is a vision board party you ask?  Well, a vision board is a visual representation of your yearly goals, dreams, aspirations and intentions.  At a vision board party, you come together and cut out pictures, words and phrases from piles of your saved magazines that represent how you envision your life of the future considering areas of health, money, career, relationships, travel, learning, special projects, etc. Oh and there’s champagne.  Well at least at my vision board party.  It IS a party after all.

My 2010 Vision Board served me well

Through the years I have found vision boards tremendously helpful and have been surprised by what transpires from the images that I have in front of me. I keep my board above my desk at home and sit quietly everyday looking at it.  At the very least it is a visual reminder of my goals.  At the very best, it is a practice of “calling in” what I want from the Universe.  Some of you may consider it prayer or meditation, but to me a vision board is a physical creation of just that.  I don’t want to get too woo-woo on you.  While I am spiritual, I am also very pragmatic.

Doing it in the family room

Well I sent my invitation to too many people and with two-weeks notice knowing that just the ‘right’ group would show up.  And they did!  Fifteen wonderful friends – some new, some old.  Not everyone had done a board before and not everyone could stay all the way through.  But those who did stay participated and walked away with a good start.  I, however, played hostess, fully well knowing that I need more time.  Lots more time.

Prior to the party, I made a lesson plan* for myself, knowing what I wanted to say in the set-up and group meditation.  I wanted everyone to get the basic principles of “what you think about you bring about,” the use of imagination and trusting your intuition in this process.  I had great quotes that I wanted to share and kick the experience off right.  The big hug from Tiffany confirmed that my intention was heard and I’d done good.

Some of us even did it outside (Thank You San Diego weather!)

I am grateful for the wonderful comments, emails, pictures, text messages and hugs I have received from our group.  I’m so glad that we came together to share our goals and dreams and create something that contributes to your success.  For those newbies, I’m particularly thankful that you trusted the process and gave it a try.  I so very much look forward to next year’s party!  And yes!  I’ll have another.  Thank you for trusting me, sharing with me and playing with me.

Cheers!

“The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in the thing makes it happen.”    — Frank Lloyd Wright

“Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach.  Check your road and the nature of your battle.  The world you desire can be won.  It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.”   — Ayn Rand

“The Universe knows all things and is responding to the vibration that you are sending.  When you are sending your vibration on purpose, you are orchestrating what the Universe is aligning for you.”   — Abraham Hicks

* If you are interested in hosting your own Vision Board Party and would like a host/facilitator’s guide let me know, I’d gladly share my invitation and notes.

Added February 23rd, here is my finished board…finally!

Let me start by saying I love my neighbors.  Patty & Bruce are exactly the neighbors you would want when you move into a new neighborhood.  They are about 10 years our senior, their son went off to college a few years ago and they live a beautiful life.  Patty creates beauty in everything she touches – her garden (which I so thankfully look at often), her cooking (and baking and hosting) is phenomenal and her great community of wonderful women is inspiring.  When we moved here they threw a block party to introduce us to our other neighbors.  They are awesome, don’t cha think?

Well, I mentioned Patty’s community of friends.  I’ve met a number of her girlfriends through the years, at parties and in passing.  You can tell that they are a tight knit group of fun gals – some empty nesters, many with kids at home, all looking good and feeling great as they move gracefully through their late 40s and into their 50s.  Patty and many of her friends are even do-gooders dedicated to the Susan G. Komen Walk for a Cure, raised a shit load of money last year and did the 60-mile walk. They put their money, heart and soul into a worthy cause together.  And they’ve done it before and they’ll surely do it again.  Anyway, I look up to these gals knowing that they are spending some of their best years of their life together.  Watching each others’ kids go through school, playing sports, celebrating holidays together, sometimes even sharing family vacations.  Being friends and families together through the years.

Yesterday, I heard that one of Patty & Bruce’s dearest friends passed away.  Mike McElroy, 53, father of 3, fit and a good man was walking up Paint Mountain with his wife Susan, like they do many times a week.  Got to the top, looked up at her with a half smile, sat down, laid down and turned blue.  He died.  Right there in front of her.  Patty was one of the first people Susan called.  Patty was there when the kids came home from school and Susan had to tell them that their dad won’t be coming back.

Yep.

Susan is the tall, pretty one of Patty’s friends.  She’s the kind of woman that you say, “Wow, I hope I look as good as she does when I turn 50.”  Together, Mike and Susan have three children – two boys, aged 13 and 11, and one girl, 8 years old.  My heart breaks for that family.  For how they are falling apart right now and realizing that their family will never be the same.  My heart is breaking for Susan that she has lost her partner and husband with whom she created a beautiful and picture perfect life.  My heart is breaking for those kids who have lost not only their father, but their hero and friend.

My heart goes out to Patty and Bruce because this will rock them and their community.  Mike was 53.  That’s so incredibly young to up and have a heart attack. And die.  Right there.  While hiking with his wife on a hike that they did all the time. That’s got to grab your collar of mortality and look you in the face (particularly for men of a certain age).  And Mike was healthy and fit.  He was active and ate well.  He was involved with his children, coached their sports teams, picked them up from school.  Now he’s not.  Just like that.  It doesn’t seem right.

Now The McElroy’s community and extended family are shaken, but holding steady.  Their arms are big and wide.  Holding them.  Feeding them.  Crying with them.

And it’s in these moments that I hold my babies just a little bit tighter.  Look my husband in the eyes and squeeze his hand.  And tell my friends that I love them. I am deeply thankful for my family, but I know that it’s friends that tell the story of our lives.  Friends will hold the McElroy’s through this time.  So thank you to my dear family of friends because it’s you who witness my life and the life of my family.  You are ones that will hold me through the happiest and most tragic times.  Thank you for being there.  You know who you are.

Cheers.

Added Sat., January 15———-

Patty sent this to me via email.  She has given permission to post it here.

Swami Mommy Tiffany taking in the view

I’ve got my girl posse and we’re dedicated and committed.  Friday morning walks by the beach have already started.  We’re calling ourselves the Swami Mommies, since we walk right by Swami’s Beach. This is the best exercise because I’m with dear friends, we’re at the ocean and there is surfer eye candy galore.  This walk feeds my soul in so many ways that I walk with a thank you in every step.

However the coup d’tat in shrinking the MT was my first magical lesson of 2010.  On my vision board last year I put words like “Dance you way slim!” “Waist Loss” and “Have Fun. Stay Motivated.”  And within two weeks, I found a way of exercising and a community that I am head over heels about.  And the MT went away, quite quickly.

I started Jazzercise in January 2010 and I’m so crazy about it that I’m getting my certification in April to teach.  I’ve had a life long love of dance, so Jazzercise is the perfect exercise for me.  Look, I’m not exercising if I’m not having fun.  I know me; I just wouldn’t stick to it.  I’m not one of those gals that can get up at 6:00 a.m. for boot camp lunges.  Screw that.  Where’s the joy in that?  But if I can get my funk on and shake my groove thing during a class, then count me in!

The music is great and the community of women that go to the classes are lovely.  They are women of all ages, shapes and sizes and they are there to get funky, just like me.  And no one has special workout clothes on.  So I didn’t have to go out and get a new workout outfit, because it’s (thankfully) not like that.

This is a big year for me.  Yep, I turn the big 4-0, so I’m taking on Fit at 40.  I want to (and do) continue to feel good about where I am in my life, particularly as I move into this next decade.  In watching my parents age and seeing older people’s health decline, I want to be sure to do my body, mind and soul right – to live with vitality and grace.  And taking care of myself with my Swami Mommy walks and Jazzercise classes twice a week is a great step in that direction.

I’d encourage you to take a look at Jazzercise.  It’s no longer leg warmers and jazz hands.  We dance to all sorts of music: hip hop, pop, alternative and jazz.  You don’t have to know how to dance, but you do move your body to a beat.  And when I eventually teach, I’ll encourage my students to get low and get funky.  Most of all, I just want it to be fun.  Jazzercise is for Every Body (one of their slogans).

Jazzercise often runs signup specials, but this month is pretty sweet – $20.11 for the month.  They are franchised so every location may have different sign up prices, but at our Encinitas Jazzercise it runs about $40/month (However, I know that Jina, the owner of Encinitas Jazzercise, meets or beats ad specials from other gyms.)  I go twice a week (one week night & Saturday mornings), which is about what I can handle with all our family activities.  I’d love for you to come join me!

Do you battle with your bulge?  Have you found an exercise that brings you joy?  I have found what works for me and it takes care of my heart, my muffin top, and my (funky) soul.  Here’s to finding what works for you and sticking to it this year!  Cheers!

And just for the record, I am not getting any kick back or incentives for promoting Jazzercise.  I’m just talking about it because I love it.  That is all.  Thank you.

The Last HHH of 2010

Happy Wordless Wednesday!

Want to know more about HHH? (click on link)

Well I have two wonderful sons that have blown the lid off of the kind of mother I thought I would be.  The transition to Motherhood wasn’t easy for me.  I knew I was biologically and physiologically built to have kids and I was capable (this girl has always had mother hips).  But the emotional turmoil, spiritual growth, and constant learning, learning, learning I’ve been doing has turned me upside down and inside out.  I have, through being a Mom, been reborn.

Like Madonna, Motherhood is a whole new transformation of self, but hopefully without the cone-shaped bra.  Remember when she went from Like a Virgin to Like a Prayer?  And then she cut her hair on the next album…oh I remember the horror.  It was traumatic!  For me, motherhood was (and continues to be) scary, empowering and beautiful (which is exactly how I feel about Madge today).

This year My Mommy Manual (have I mentioned how much I LOVE them?) is holding their second virtual baby shower for which I am co-hosting.  The theme this year is A Mom is Born (because it’s not just a baby that arrives).  The celebration is for KMOV news anchor, Virginia Kerr, who is expecting a boy and due October 15^th.  The idea behind the shower is to celebrate and honor the transition of becoming a mother, particularly with the support of her friends and family.

I have been bowled over from the incredible love and strength that I’ve received from my fellow mommies through the years.  If I didn’t have the awesome community of women of that I have or a few choice tunes on my iPod, I could be in an institution.  I swear.

What’s so great about this virtual baby shower is that you too can participate!  There are a great number of ways join in.

First, join us for the virtual shower Wednesday, August 25 from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. CST. Anyone with internet access can attend virtually, interacting in real time with Virginia and hosts via a live chat room during the online broadcast. The shower will be aired live on www.MomIsBorn.com.

Any mom will enjoy the event because the two-hour broadcast will feature great parenting tips and products.  Top tips for new moms will also be shared, which are being collected on the MomIsBorn site prior to the broadcast.  Each tip offered is an entry into the Mom is Born giveaway raffle. Raffle prizes have been generously donated by the shower sponsors, which include Kolcraft & Build-A-Bear.

Wouldn’t be cool to hear them read your top tip for a new mom during the broadcast?  You know you’ve got something to share on how you survived the beginning (and still do).  Or are you one of those awesome moms that motherhood for you is a piece of cake?  We love you too (lucky lady), but I’m sure you’ve got ideas as well.

This year the shower will benefit the March of Dimes.  I’ve often heard of this charity, but until now I didn’t know their actual mission.  March of Dimes is the leading nonprofit for pregnancy and baby health.  They are dedicated to improving the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality.  It’s probably a good idea to cough up $20 and donate.  Won’t you please?

Other ways you can support March of Dimes through this event:

• Make a donation via donate button on my home page.  Plus, it will make me look good.  I’m not gonna lie.  And thank you.
• Buy a Holding Hands bracelet for yourself or a loved one.  My Mommy Manual has asked a commissioned artist, Villa Design, to create a signature charm as a symbol of the connectedness between all mothers and the strength moms can source from each other.  It is an especially touching gift for an expecting mom to wear during her labor and delivery, as a reminder of the support she has from her closest women friends — who are invited to add their own Pandora-style bead and an accompanying wish. A portion of the proceeds will go to the March of Dimes.  More information about the bracelet can be found at MomIsBorn.
• Support A Mom Is Born sponsors: Build-A-Bear Workshop, Kolcraft, Goodnite Rooms, Pixie Posie Photography and our Venue Sponsor, Overlook Farm.

This coming Wednesday, come hang out with us during the virtual baby shower.  Let’s celebrate Virginia and all the women joining the transition into Motherhood.  There is beauty in numbers and in the support of women.  Cheers!

My boys got up this morning and fixed me birthday pancakes, our family tradition.  Even BabyD sang Happy Birthday really well (he’s getting so big!).  The boys got me a cute beach cooler bag, a sexy blouse and necklace from Anthropologie in my favorite color, and a cute sun dress.  I can’t believe that Husband did such a good job on color and fit.  So totally awesome.

The boys are in day care today so I can get some stuff done, but I must tell you I’m wearing my new birthday dress and dancing around the house to totally 80s music.  And no, I’m not drunk, but I do plan on having my share of tacos and margaritas tonight at Las Olas.

But the other reason that I’m in my party dress dancing around to 80s music is it’s Mom Sexy Prom today!  I love the Mommyologist’s idea of getting gussied up just because.  She’s really out to have moms feel their sexy best.  She’s so pumped about this message; she’s even auditioned for Oprah (please go vote for her!).

So yes, I have my high heels on and dancing to the Sugar Cubes, Oingo Boingo, and the Thompson Twins all by myself.  Turn it up and come join me on a little groove.  You can start with this video below and then bounce to the last one for my birthday song.

Cheers to summer!  Cheers to all the awesome Facebook messages, text, emails and calls I’m getting today!  Thank you dear and lovely friends.  Cheers to dancing and feeling good! Cheers to Mom Sexy Prom!  And hell, cheers to my last birthday in my 30s!  Dance!

Ting Tings on Yo Gabba Gabba sing "Happy Birthday"