Now flashback to last weekend when we were hustling between getting kids fed and going to soccer practice, three Jehovah’s Witnesses knocked on our door.

Husband answered the door and politely said, “No thank you.” But of course they insisted that he take their literature.

I meanwhile was in the office down the hall and could hear everything. In fact, I had quickly retreated when I saw who was at our door.

Husband responded to the woman with the out-stretched arm emphatically, “Really. NO. We’re not religious.”

“Oh,” she said with as she nodded to the decorative corner, “Is that what this sign is about?”

He replied, “Oh yes, that’s my wife. She actually believes that she has supernatural powers.”

Silence.

All I could think to do was cackle loudly from the back room.

They left without saying a further word.

And that’s how we roll.  Happy Halloween everyone!

BigBoy brought me coffee in bed, which was so sweet, but then he looked intently in my eyes and said, “Yep, you look old Mom.”  Great.  Hello, Forty.

Yes, I turned forty.  Yes, Four-Ohhhh.  As in “Ohhh my goodness, can I really be that old?”  Yes. I am four decades old.  Wow. Can’t hardly wrap my brain around that.

I know a lot of people that have treated this birthday as no big deal (they are mostly men).  I know it weighs heavily on others (mostly women).  Forty is a big milestone, it’s not jut another birthday.  It means something.  It’s another chapter.  It’s the other side of the hill.  I mean c’mon, we very likely could live another 40 years, right?  That IS the plan.

Last year I had dinner with two guy friends from high school and we were laughing at the prospect of turning 40.  Mr. PX90 had taken on a personal campaign of Fit at 40 and I thought, why not? I too could make a change in my health, a friend’s father had just past, my Dad just had stints put into his heart, and I was feeling deeply reflective on life;  feeling like I needed to make a change (see “pay now or pay later” to see where I’m coming from).

I have spent the last year eating better, learning more about food and how it works (or doesn’t) for my body, and I found an exercise program that I love.  So yes, I’m fit at forty and in the best shape I’ve been in the last 10 years.  In fact last weekend, I bought my first two-piece bathing suit in 13 years.  My recent visit to Palm Springs really did a number on me and I cringed at being the only woman in the resort pool who was wearing a one piece (and wasn’t pregnant). My friends thought I was a weirdo for wearing a beach cover-up walking to the restroom.  Really, it wasn’t necessary.  There was a lot more skin around the pool to look at.  No one was looking at me other than “what is that woman thinking???”  I need to get over my modest, Southern ways and show more skin.  It’s what women do in SoCal even at my age (which is ridiculous, I know).  I’m just subscribing to the notion that everything looks better tanned (even stretch marks).  So I’m doing it.  Somebody, please get me a drink, please. I’m gonna need that liquid courage.

And then I look at my lovely community of friends, neighbors and family and I am RICH.  I love the people in my life.  My girlfriends are smart, funny, diverse and priceless.  I am blessed to have two beautiful little boys that make me laugh and teach me so much.  My husband is patient and kind, and we’re learning together what it is to have a long-term committed marriage.  My relationship with my original family is good even though I don’t see them as much as I would like to. I practice acceptance and gratitude with my in-laws and that’s moving in a positive direction.

I have designed my work life to be inclusive of my family as a WAHM.  I am able to financially contribute doing work that I enjoy (community manager for small businesses using social media and marketing communications), which is cool.  And I can still drop off and pick up the kids and participate a bit with school activities, which I feel is important to be involved at that community level.  Do it while I can, I say. Pretty soon my kids won’t want me to be around at all.

So life is good.  I’m doing good.  I believe that I have the power to change the things that I don’t like and I know what I am at work on.  I’d like to write more.  I’d like to spend more time in my yard with my family.  There are things that I would like to buy and change about my house, but I know that will come in time.  Nothing is broken and all is well as it is.

My hope for you is that when you turn forty you too will say, “all is well.”  And you’ll continue to say that every birthday through the monumental ones and the insignificant ones.  And those years when you’re not feeling it, you figure out what you need to change and you go out and make a difference for yourself.  Because I believe we all can.  It just depends on how important it is to you.  When you’re truly sick of whining about your life then you’ll really do something about it.

I believe in the words, “if you don’t love your life then shame on you.”

Having a well-lived life is important to me.  It’s meaningful for me to be healthy, have a happy family life, live in community with others and be well in body, spirit and mind.  It’s not rainbows and butterflies, but I work at it because it’s what gives my life meaning.  It’s what’s true for me.

Turning 40 has been an opportunity to reflect on that milestone.  And all I feel is joy and gratitude.  I hope you’ll feel it too.

My brother referred us to Jim Glanz, our Tax Man, when we moved to Southern California four years ago. Jim’s offices are in La Mesa, which is a bit of a drive for us, but he is so worth it. Jim is personable and no nonsense. For him it’s all just numbers telling a story and he knows how to make you the hero. Sometimes it’s a bitter pill that you have to swallow, but even heroes have to learn their lessons. Jim is like a tax sage that gives you great advice for how to make improvements for your future.

Kirk #1 (my brother from another mother) sought out Jim’s wisdom after being an H&R Block customer in Arizona. Kirk walked away with $5200 in combined state & federal refunds when he thought that he would owe this year. “Jim was able to point out things that I hadn’t taken into account. It was beyond what was obvious,” he said as he poured me a glass of champagne. (not really, but when his refund checks come in, he better! That referral paid off!)

Jim simply understands the nuances and intricacies of tax law. He knows the backwards and forwards, ups and downs, on how to make sure that you pay Uncle Sam, but at the same time, not pay more than is required. So while we did owe a bit this year, I left with a great sense of peace and security that we’re doing the right thing in managing our liabilities.

Brilliantly (said with a bit of sarcasm), Husband had set up a second appointment with our Financial Planners right after meeting with Jim. Todd Financial and Insurance Services have been a godsend. I met Darren Todd when I worked for a digital marketing company setting up their health plans, 401Ks and the like. Darren is a family man and small business owner with his heart in the right place and really big brains. He is good people, has integrity and knows his stuff. He did such a great job assisting me in my HR roles, that I easily trust him with our family insurance and financial needs.

With Husband’s recent change of jobs, we immediately contacted the beautiful and brilliantly competent April, who manages Todd Financial’s operations. She worked with us on finding the right health plan and deciding which would be best for our family, the offered work plan or one that she helped us secure. April is extremely well-informed and knowledgeable, and takes great care of their customers. Just for the record, in addition to health insurance they also manage all the other potential insurances that a family, individual or small business many need (life, home etc .)

Darren Todd and Paul Lim manage the financial planning side of the house. They are helping us consolidate our various retirement accounts that we’ve accumulated throughout our different careers and making sure that we’re preparing ourselves well for the long-term (kids in college, retirement, etc.). Typically, I can’t have these conversations with my husband without a glass of wine in my hand, but I’ve made it through a couple of meetings with Darren and Paul without uncorking, so things are looking up.

While we’re not currently swimming in the dough, we have a do-able plan resolving some of our concerns and building toward our future. Darren has even helped mediate a long-standing financial debate between Hubs and I. (Thank you Darren!) Can I get an Amen and a clink of a glass?

Here’s simply what I want to say on this Thankful Thursday. I used to get freaked out about money (and the lack thereof) and what to do about it, create more drama and lose my mind in the process. I think a lot of people do this and it doesn’t have to be so dramatic or hard. So, as strange as this may seem to some of you, I’ve done a lot of internal work to get rid of the bad money mojo (thanks to WONDERFULLY wise and spiritually gifted women like Rita Hovakimian and Victoria Castle) and now I feel like a grown up, which is about time since I’m turning 40. I have a Tax Man and Financial Planners that work with us. I feel secure, smart and well cared for working with both teams. Thank you Glanz Professional Services and Todd Financial & Insurance Services teams, you make taking care of business (in the financial sense) not drive me to drink. I love your professionalism, service and care.

If you’re local and want the kind of quality service and care that I receive, please by all means, give them a call and let them know that I referred you. And no, I didn’t get paid for this post, but I would accept a bottle (or two) of champagne.

Glanz Professional Services
Jim Glanz
8383 Center Drive, Suite H
La Mesa, CA
619.697.4649

Todd Financial & Insurance Services
3131 Camino del Rio, Suite 1250
San Diego, CA
858.863.4010

BF Batman, Luke Skywalker (aka Hubs), Diego (aka BabyD), Obi Wan Kenobi (aka BigBoy)

For other great pics, check out my Wordless Wednesday linky friends.

Hubs teaching BigBoy to ride a bike

What an awesome moment!  As always check out our friends that host Wordless Wednesday link ups.  Cheers Friends!

-       David Bowie

Here’s what I know how to do.  One foot in front of the other.  Grammy always said, “keep on keeping on.”  And that’s what I’m doing.  However, I think I just need a good cry.  Or a vacation (though we never seem to have the money or time for that).  I’ve got a couple of great friends who are stepping up to relieve the pressure I’m in and I’m seeking help on the things that I can change.

But change is at the crux of it all.  There’s a lot of change going on.  Change from within.  Change from the outside.

Last week BigBoy started kindergarten.  He is loving it.  It’s giving him a sense of purpose and he’s eager to do well.  I think his teacher is a great fit for him.  I have volunteered to work in his classroom twice a month.  That appeared to be a good commitment for me.  Not too much, but participating nonetheless.*  Then I also signed up for being the room Scholastic mom.  Well, you know about my love for books and that will be every 6-8 weeks.  So other than writing a check for the PTA and the social events that support our school, I think I’m good and I’m not signing up for more.

Luckily his kindergarten is from 8:00 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. and then released early (around noon) on Fridays.  I do the drop off, pick up, lunch making and homework reviewing (yes there is homework for kindergartners).  I’ve attended the orientation, first day meeting and back to school night.  I’ve entered in the full year of calendar events on our family Outlook (don’t laugh, but how else do you keep it all together?).

The next biggest change that has occurred is that my unemployment ran out and I’m now a part-time work from home mom.  I had to come up with something to replace that income and I don’t want to sacrifice my relationship with the boys for a full-time paycheck.  I don’t want to go down that road again.  So if I can creatively come up with contracts to work from home, then you betcha, I will.   And I have.  And I actually think that we can make it work and pay our bills.  There is one bill in particular that is out of control (my student loan), but more on that later.

Two days a week and every other Friday, I have BabyD go to our fabulous sanity-saving, in-home daycare friend down the street.  So I have two days a week where I’m focused working for a good chunk of time.  I can sprinkle in some client work when I have BabyD on Tuesday and Thursday…it’s as Tim Gunn says, “make it work people!”  My first piece of work is that I’m handling some marketing and admin work for a friend and real estate agent a few hours each week.  Then, with the thanks of my blog and love for social networking, I landed a great client (of all things) in the aquarium enthusiast world.  I’ll be writing blog posts and handling their social networking to create a community around their progressive (and green) products.

I’m stoked about the possibilities of it all, but that’s a lot of newness and change and I’m looking for my rhythm inside of all that.  And of course, there are big things that are happening NOW and clients need stuff NOW.  So it’s been a busy week for me to say the least.  AND I’m actually getting some more requests from other sources for work!  I am blessed and trying to see how all this can fit in.

Let me say a bit about BabyD.  He’s a complete 2 year old right now.  He wants to do things his way, he yells at me, he fights fiercely with his brother, and he can turn on the charm at the wink of an eye.  He’s a killer and a tough one for me.  Yes, we’re still going to swim class on Tuesdays.  We also just moved him from his crib to a big boy bed (he loves to show everyone who comes over his car bed…it’s just cars on the comforter, pictures and a pillow, but he’s thrilled about it.)  Just yesterday we sold his crib, chest of drawers-changing table, and linens.  *tear*  I have to admit that I got a bit choked up, but I’m happy to help out a newly started couple with our set.  Like all moms say, “he’s growing up so fast.”  One minute I want to squeeze him so tightly and the next minute I want his bad attitude to stay in his room forever all day.

And for the cherry on top, Husband and I are SO VERY out of sync with each other.  I just want to be held, loved on, and asked how I’m doing traveling at the speed of light with all this change going on.  Hell, just notice that I’m wearing a dress — that would be nice.  Instead, I think that everything out of his mouth is a challenge or critique without a word of care.  He thinks he can’t do anything right by me.  I think he just needs to listen more/better and use his brain.  This could go on and on.  I’ll save you from my relational hell.  I’m not sure if it’s my hormones that our outta wack (I’ve sought help from a regular medical doctor and a naturopath) or if we need some counseling to sort out our communication.  I think we need both.  Stat.

I have to confess that he did bring me flowers this week after a tiff we had.  That was nice.  Really nice.  He’s not all bad.  And I just noticed that he fixed BigBoy’s curtains that have been broken for over six months.  That was nice. Really nice.  (see, trying to focus on the positive)

It’s just a lot right now.  A lot of change.

But we got sea legs
And we’re off tonight
They can’t have that to which they’ve no right
You belong to a simpler time
I’m a victim to the impact of these words,
And this rhyme.

Sorry, random but poignant reference to my favorite Shins song (“Sea Legs”).

San Elijo State Beach - yeah, this is where we go camping

I find what brings me peace and hope and I pray.  Music helps.  The ocean helps.  We’re camping this weekend at the beach with good friends so I’ll eat, drink, and find merry.  But mostly what I’ll be doing is putting one foot in front of the other and trying to find my rhythm.  The way out is through.  Right, Mary?

Champagne.  It has bubbles.  That will be my drink of choice this weekend.  It will help lift my spirits and find the brighter side.  Clearly, there is a lot to be happy about.  I just need to get my sea legs under me with this change.  Cheers friends.  I hope you’re also finding your new rhythm with school back in session.

*One of my dear Jen friend’s (cuz you know I know over a dozen Jens) advice was to not sign up for too much at kindergarten.  She told me that there will be ample requests for help throughout the year.  However, she said the one thing to be sure to do is to volunteer in the classroom.  Her thinking was that you get to know the children well and their little personalities.  Then you know who to help steer your little dude (or princess) toward and/or away from.  The insightful thought is that mostly these kids don’t change a whole lot from kindergarten into junior high and on up.  You’ll know who’s trouble. 

I think that it’s an important part of re-learning Sexy (thank you Mommyologist for bringing sexy back!) that I DATE my husband.  It’s good for him (I generally put out on my dates, especially after a nice dinner).  It’s good for me (I get to wear a dress and not cook or clean!).  It’s good for us (uninterrupted meals are a god-send).

(c) Paramount Pictures 1996

[cue Mission: Impossible music] So my mission that I choose to accept is to find a great place for a date night in North County San Diego that won’t break the bank and will be memorable for both of us.

I’ve written my first review of Carlsbad’s Paon Restaurant & Wine Bar.  The review, Paon: A+ for Looks and Service, can be found at The Spy Mom, the Mommyologist’s alter ego.  Her mission is to talk loudly about good customer experiences at hotels and restaurants with kids or date nights with her husband.  I’m thrilled that I can contribute from the West Coast, my little corner of the world.  Basically she’s rad and I think she’s one of the coolest women in the blogosphere.  She was recently nominated for Nickelodeon’s Parents Connect Best Parenting Blog.  Go vote for her because I think she’s incredibly generous, kind, witty, intelligent and someone that I hope to one day count as my friend.  Of all the talented bloggers on the Parent Pick site I’ve voted for her the most.  Please go vote for her (and if I had to pick two more to share the medal stand with her it would be Mama Kat from Mama’s Losin’ It! and Sarah from In the Trenches of Motherhood, but mostly vote for the Mommyologist).

Anyway, enough about her, back to me…Go check out my review and I’d love to hear from locals or guests of North County San Diego your favorite pick for date night dinners.  Husband & I certainly need more nights out!  Cheers friends!

How I’m doing in my relationships is a big part of my ‘case.’  Look, I’ve flunked at one marriage and I’ve got a really good thing going now, so I want to take care of it and treat this one right.  I think on my relationship a lot, some would say pray or meditate on it.  Whatever you want to call it;  I ask/call forth/feel/know that I am living a happy and healthy life with my family and it starts with my marriage.

This month’s post for My Mommy Manual is about a big epiphany that I finally had about forgiveness and it’s role in relationships.  It was a big DUH.  People talk about forgiveness in relationships with a particular kind of reverence and understanding that I never fully appreciated until two things recently happened: 1) I read Committed:  A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage and 2) I opened my big mouth yet again.

Come on over and read what I learned at Forgiveness: How Relationships Go the Distance.  I’d love to hear your thoughts on how you deal with your ‘daily bread.’  Comments most appreciated and make me look good to sponsors, so go for it and give me a piece of your mind.

Margaritas on Mother's Day = Awesome

Thank you Angry Julie for Wordless Wednesdays!

Well my first post went up last month and it’s about getting past nit-picking my dear Husband.  Pray for me…well, we all should be praying for him actually.  Please check out the post and feel free to comment there to make me look good. Please.

I’m totally stoked to be a contributor to such a cool project.  The site offers realistic and conscious parenting advice, created by two women that met right after their deliveries.  The other half of this creative genius is Zen Mommy who just had twins!  I wonder how much OM is going on at her house these days.  I have been a regular reader of this site since I started blogging last year and love the variety of topics.  Please subscribe to their site and spread the love.

The best part for me is that I’m one degree of separation away from the bold and amazing Ayelet Waldman who contributed to My Mommy Manual when Bad Mother came out.  At least now if I ever met her I’d have something to say other than repeating “oh my god you’re so awesome.  You’re like my mommy hero” as I shook and sweated and repeated myself again and again, which is how I always imagined it would go.  Check out their related articles to Ayelet’s book (one of my favorites!) Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities and Occasional Moments of Grace on how to lay off other moms, moving past judgment, and the Good Mother Rules.

Stay tuned for my contribution this month, which will most likely be around what I learned from being Committed.  No, not like the sanitarium (because yes, I am crazy to think that I know anything about marriage! I’m making this shit up as I go along too!).  I’m talking about Elizabeth Gilbert’s new book Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage, her follow up from the extremely successful, Eat, Pray, Love.  Cheers!