Well I have two wonderful sons that have blown the lid off of the kind of mother I thought I would be.  The transition to Motherhood wasn’t easy for me.  I knew I was biologically and physiologically built to have kids and I was capable (this girl has always had mother hips).  But the emotional turmoil, spiritual growth, and constant learning, learning, learning I’ve been doing has turned me upside down and inside out.  I have, through being a Mom, been reborn.

Like Madonna, Motherhood is a whole new transformation of self, but hopefully without the cone-shaped bra.  Remember when she went from Like a Virgin to Like a Prayer?  And then she cut her hair on the next album…oh I remember the horror.  It was traumatic!  For me, motherhood was (and continues to be) scary, empowering and beautiful (which is exactly how I feel about Madge today).

This year My Mommy Manual (have I mentioned how much I LOVE them?) is holding their second virtual baby shower for which I am co-hosting.  The theme this year is A Mom is Born (because it’s not just a baby that arrives).  The celebration is for KMOV news anchor, Virginia Kerr, who is expecting a boy and due October 15^th.  The idea behind the shower is to celebrate and honor the transition of becoming a mother, particularly with the support of her friends and family.

I have been bowled over from the incredible love and strength that I’ve received from my fellow mommies through the years.  If I didn’t have the awesome community of women of that I have or a few choice tunes on my iPod, I could be in an institution.  I swear.

What’s so great about this virtual baby shower is that you too can participate!  There are a great number of ways join in.

First, join us for the virtual shower Wednesday, August 25 from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. CST. Anyone with internet access can attend virtually, interacting in real time with Virginia and hosts via a live chat room during the online broadcast. The shower will be aired live on www.MomIsBorn.com.

Any mom will enjoy the event because the two-hour broadcast will feature great parenting tips and products.  Top tips for new moms will also be shared, which are being collected on the MomIsBorn site prior to the broadcast.  Each tip offered is an entry into the Mom is Born giveaway raffle. Raffle prizes have been generously donated by the shower sponsors, which include Kolcraft & Build-A-Bear.

Wouldn’t be cool to hear them read your top tip for a new mom during the broadcast?  You know you’ve got something to share on how you survived the beginning (and still do).  Or are you one of those awesome moms that motherhood for you is a piece of cake?  We love you too (lucky lady), but I’m sure you’ve got ideas as well.

This year the shower will benefit the March of Dimes.  I’ve often heard of this charity, but until now I didn’t know their actual mission.  March of Dimes is the leading nonprofit for pregnancy and baby health.  They are dedicated to improving the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality.  It’s probably a good idea to cough up $20 and donate.  Won’t you please?

Other ways you can support March of Dimes through this event:

• Make a donation via donate button on my home page.  Plus, it will make me look good.  I’m not gonna lie.  And thank you.
• Buy a Holding Hands bracelet for yourself or a loved one.  My Mommy Manual has asked a commissioned artist, Villa Design, to create a signature charm as a symbol of the connectedness between all mothers and the strength moms can source from each other.  It is an especially touching gift for an expecting mom to wear during her labor and delivery, as a reminder of the support she has from her closest women friends — who are invited to add their own Pandora-style bead and an accompanying wish. A portion of the proceeds will go to the March of Dimes.  More information about the bracelet can be found at MomIsBorn.
• Support A Mom Is Born sponsors: Build-A-Bear Workshop, Kolcraft, Goodnite Rooms, Pixie Posie Photography and our Venue Sponsor, Overlook Farm.

This coming Wednesday, come hang out with us during the virtual baby shower.  Let’s celebrate Virginia and all the women joining the transition into Motherhood.  There is beauty in numbers and in the support of women.  Cheers!

There’s some level of acceptance for me to get to, but I’m just not there yet.  I know that I need to and will lose the 10 pounds that I gained over the holidays.  Hell, bathing suit season is right around the SoCal corner.  And I know that if you saw me you’d say, “Shut up. You look fine.”  I’m just saying it’s all perspective, sister.  I want to feel good about the outside from the inside.

I need an immersion of reassurance.  That’s certainly what I found when I read Mary Beth William’s Mom’s First Nude Shoot.  It’s a story of how she got naked with her other 40-something, mommy poker friends for a photo shoot in Time Out (NY) magazine.  The story wasn’t about her feeling empowered (however, I hope that was a byproduct of the experience), but more to the point of having the courage to be looked at, and a level of vulnerability, grace, and acceptance of who she really is.  Yep, that was a courageous act, not just disrobing.  I’m not ready to play poker with those girls, but I really like the acceptance piece.

Maybe I need to go to Harbin again.  It was always a hideaway where I was confronted with nudity and reassured that I’m normal.  A trip to Harbin reminded me that there is a WIDE spectrum of body shapes and sizes, and I have no room to complain.  Sitting (naked) in those hot springs was always a good reset button on my body-mind-spirit.  Maybe I just need another trip to San Francisco again, where I always felt Nirvana “Come As You Are” is a theme song (but not the psycho gun part).

I want to feel comfortable in my skin not just for me, but on behalf of my boys.  Not that I go around parading my nudity, nor do I want to quickly cover or chide them for coming into my room when I’m getting dressed (well at least while they’re still young and it’s not weird).  I just want to feel proud of my body, all that it’s gone through, and all the strength it’s needed to get through this life.  I do love my life and I want to love my body.  It’s done good.  I want to be thankful and I am, I just want to remember to be more “hot stuff” and less “ugh” when I look in the mirror.  I think Husband most of all would appreciate the “hot stuff” part.

Yes, I’m doing my Sanity Friday three mile beach walk.  Yes, I’ve been going to Jazzercize for two weeks now.  I’m taking the positive steps to physically feel better about my body, which will likely produce great results for the psychological side.  I guess when it comes down to it, I just want to see more of what’s real (thank you Lizzie, thank you Bonnie, and yes! thank you Leonard Nimoy) and not so much of the pretending and pretentiousness that’s out there.  Like if we could all get naked, and go, “oh, there you are” with all the bumps, scars, rolls and moles that we all have.  Does this make me some kind of weird nudist?  Really, I just want to know that I’m normal.  Then again I’m not just another jen.  So who knows.

I too, MB, want to be real, vulnerable, and courageous.  I have the faith that when I leap, I’ll land (possibly bruised, battered, but never broken).  But I see your rub, it’s the initial fear, the doubt, and the shitty internal dialogue that is there.  I think I just need to strip down, take a long real look, breathe in acceptance, and say “thank you.”  It is just boobies after all and they’re mine.

But first I need a drink and listen to Joan again.  Cheers friends!

This post included in Real Life’s Your Life Your Blog

For those friends and family that have known me for a long time you know that children were never on my horizon.  It was just simply that I wasn’t interested.  Babies, never mind kids, never really took to me.  The feelings that I had for children were that they were loud and messy (that really hasn’t changed).  As a teen, I didn’t love babysitting, I did it for the money.  I just wasn’t born with that “I-love-babies! gene” like some women are.

But then I met Husband.  Not having kids was a deal breaker for him.  Doing the deed was a part of the deal.  I knew that marrying him meant travelling the uncharted, unimagined road of parenting and motherhood.  After an ass grab, a brief international romance, and throwing my doubts to the wind, I knew that I wanted to grow old with this man.  He was solid, clear-hearted, and just a little bit crazy to want to marry me.  So I said yes knowing full well what I was signing up for.

After being married a few years, we got pregnant and had BigBoy.  Motherhood terrified me.  I didn’t have post partum depression, I had pre-partum depression.  I knew my life would be forever changed and I mourned the loss of me and life-as-I-knew-it.  The birth didn’t go as planned and we had some early minor complications in the first few months of BigBoy’s life.  I didn’t swell with love when he was born.  I never really enjoyed breast feeding and loathed pumping.  We weren’t bonding the way Mother and child were (what I thought) supposed to.  I did however eventually find joy, friendships, and how to have fun mothering when I joined a playgroup for first-time moms through Golden Gate Mothers Group.  I learned to relax and laugh again.  I loved those ladies even though many of us were so very different.  We had this common bond of learning to be mothers together and through sharing and laughing in our struggles, I found me again and being okay with my way of being a mom.

BigBoy was never a cuddler and had always preferred his Daddy over me (don’t worry, I understand why).  And life with BigBoy was fun, and good, but I had some big disappointments with being a Mom.  I still felt like there was a bond missing and I didn’t think my son liked me all that much.  It didn’t feel like we were well-connected.  It wasn’t until Baby was born (BigBoy was 3) that I really found babylove.  Baby taught me the over abundance of love and to love BigBoy and our relationship just the way it is.  Nothing really was broken, I just learned how to love in a bigger and new way.  That was a great lesson to learn.

But things changed even more (and for the better) this last year.  Being let go from work was the best gift I had ever received.  I have fallen completely in love with BigBoy.  I have been blessed with the opportunity to really get to see him, know him and learn the kind of kid that he is and is becoming.

He now gives me “hurt hugs.”  It’s his way of squeezing me so tight that it’s supposed to hurt.  He regularly says that he loves me 1 million, hundred thousand and sixty eight.

I love to look in his face.  I can so clearly see the combination of me and Husband.  There’s no doubt that this child was born out of love.

I love to wrestle with him, tickle him, make him laugh, snuggle during movies, read to him at night and tuck him into bed.  I love that he talks to himself with intricate stories about planes, garbage trucks, race cars and trains.  (Sometimes though I think this must be what it’s like having a girl with the incessant talking!)

He’s down right funny, has an incredible passion for learning, and has a sweet heart (just like his Daddy).  He’s a nice boy, has manners and a few close friends.  Even with all the fear and doubts I have had, I know now that overall I’m doing a good job as a mother.  He’s a great kid and I know he’s going to turn out alright.

Happy 5^th Birthday BigBoy.  I’m so very proud of you.  You are an awesome little boy and I’m so glad to be your Mommy.

Cheers to you!

Honestly, I do it so I’ll clean my house.  And I ask people on the evite not to judge me if they find cheerios in the carpet, because they probably will.  I’m only surface cleaning and those little suckers get really stuck in there!  So I do the best cleaning job I can do in three hours (and let me tell you, my house really can really use it!).

I also have come to accept that I love entertaining.  And quite frankly, if I didn’t have HHH, I probably wouldn’t see these awesome women as much.  And I need them!  The women that show up for these, well some are close friends, some are friends that I wish I were closer to, and others are women that I just met.  I figure us Moms have got to stick together.  We need laughter, support, and group of gals that just get it.  So if I can create an environment where that happens (and it does) then I’m all smiles.  I love doing the hostess thing, making sure that everyone has a full glass and something to eat.  I love introducing people to each other and watch the afternoon unfold.

Typically about two glasses in, I stop and listen to the mania.  I laugh.  The kids are playing , the moms are having a good time.  All is well.  Am I always full of grace and ease at these things?  Hell No.  But I always see HHH as an opportunity to practice that.  Some kids drive me crazy, some kids are too loud, and some kids break things.  And sometimes there are even Mommies that are a little awkward too.  I feel like I’m inside my own personal, social randori and my job is to relax, keep my sense of humor, and make sure the afternoon is flowing well.  That’s fun for me and it’s also a great learning experience too.  Cause yes, sometimes I want to freak out on the kid who is jumping on my coffee table.

The thing that I most appreciate is the women that show up.  It’s always the right group and it’s never the exact same people either.  Most people are at ease here.  It’s okay to come late, it’s okay to bring a friend, it’s okay to bring some food and more wine and it’s also okay if you don’t.  When we’re here we look out for each other’s kids and give hugs when someone stumbles.  We offer advice, support, alternative thinking, and love to each other when needed.  Hanging out at HHH, I feel like there is a Sisterhood or a Motherhood that just feels good.  I hope that’s a feeling that everyone gets when they come.  And they too can relax in the mania.  Because isn’t that a large part of what Motherhood is?

Cheers friends and let me know when you’re in my hood.  I’d love to fill your glass.

P.S.  A big shout out to Anne Taintor who always makes me laugh.  I’m a big fan!