Well I have two wonderful sons that have blown the lid off of the kind of mother I thought I would be.  The transition to Motherhood wasn’t easy for me.  I knew I was biologically and physiologically built to have kids and I was capable (this girl has always had mother hips).  But the emotional turmoil, spiritual growth, and constant learning, learning, learning I’ve been doing has turned me upside down and inside out.  I have, through being a Mom, been reborn.

Like Madonna, Motherhood is a whole new transformation of self, but hopefully without the cone-shaped bra.  Remember when she went from Like a Virgin to Like a Prayer?  And then she cut her hair on the next album…oh I remember the horror.  It was traumatic!  For me, motherhood was (and continues to be) scary, empowering and beautiful (which is exactly how I feel about Madge today).

This year My Mommy Manual (have I mentioned how much I LOVE them?) is holding their second virtual baby shower for which I am co-hosting.  The theme this year is A Mom is Born (because it’s not just a baby that arrives).  The celebration is for KMOV news anchor, Virginia Kerr, who is expecting a boy and due October 15^th.  The idea behind the shower is to celebrate and honor the transition of becoming a mother, particularly with the support of her friends and family.

I have been bowled over from the incredible love and strength that I’ve received from my fellow mommies through the years.  If I didn’t have the awesome community of women of that I have or a few choice tunes on my iPod, I could be in an institution.  I swear.

What’s so great about this virtual baby shower is that you too can participate!  There are a great number of ways join in.

First, join us for the virtual shower Wednesday, August 25 from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. CST. Anyone with internet access can attend virtually, interacting in real time with Virginia and hosts via a live chat room during the online broadcast. The shower will be aired live on www.MomIsBorn.com.

Any mom will enjoy the event because the two-hour broadcast will feature great parenting tips and products.  Top tips for new moms will also be shared, which are being collected on the MomIsBorn site prior to the broadcast.  Each tip offered is an entry into the Mom is Born giveaway raffle. Raffle prizes have been generously donated by the shower sponsors, which include Kolcraft & Build-A-Bear.

Wouldn’t be cool to hear them read your top tip for a new mom during the broadcast?  You know you’ve got something to share on how you survived the beginning (and still do).  Or are you one of those awesome moms that motherhood for you is a piece of cake?  We love you too (lucky lady), but I’m sure you’ve got ideas as well.

This year the shower will benefit the March of Dimes.  I’ve often heard of this charity, but until now I didn’t know their actual mission.  March of Dimes is the leading nonprofit for pregnancy and baby health.  They are dedicated to improving the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality.  It’s probably a good idea to cough up $20 and donate.  Won’t you please?

Other ways you can support March of Dimes through this event:

• Make a donation via donate button on my home page.  Plus, it will make me look good.  I’m not gonna lie.  And thank you.
• Buy a Holding Hands bracelet for yourself or a loved one.  My Mommy Manual has asked a commissioned artist, Villa Design, to create a signature charm as a symbol of the connectedness between all mothers and the strength moms can source from each other.  It is an especially touching gift for an expecting mom to wear during her labor and delivery, as a reminder of the support she has from her closest women friends — who are invited to add their own Pandora-style bead and an accompanying wish. A portion of the proceeds will go to the March of Dimes.  More information about the bracelet can be found at MomIsBorn.
• Support A Mom Is Born sponsors: Build-A-Bear Workshop, Kolcraft, Goodnite Rooms, Pixie Posie Photography and our Venue Sponsor, Overlook Farm.

This coming Wednesday, come hang out with us during the virtual baby shower.  Let’s celebrate Virginia and all the women joining the transition into Motherhood.  There is beauty in numbers and in the support of women.  Cheers!

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Is there anything wrong?  Nope, not really.  I just don’t feel like talking right now.

Is there anything you can do?  Nope.  Just let me mope.  I’ll obsess over stupid American Idol and Bejeweled.  It will pass in a few days just like Baby’s cough.

My horoscope even confirms my mood.  “At heart, you’re basically a very social animal. You love nothing better than being with kindred spirits who understand you — which isn’t always easy to come by, since you’re much smarter than the average bear. So once you find those soul mates, you’ll do anything to keep them happy. And handy. You’re in a very different mood right now, though, and it might feel unfamiliar. You want to hibernate, make the world go away. Don’t worry, you’re not losing your mind. This is normal.”

Let’s not dwell on it.  But please, tell me.  From time to time you feel this way too, n’est pas?  Comments most welcomed.

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Overall, I found I was terribly moved by the ending of this story.  C’mon, if I shed a tear at the close of the tale, the damn thing was good.  I felt such an emotional connection to the main characters that not only was it hard to let them go at the end of the book, but the tragic conclusion left me very unsettled.

Loving Frank is a love story of two strong forces that took an unconventional path of love for better AND for worse.  We get a glimpse of Frank Lloyd Wright, the well known American icon, and through Nancy Horan’s freshman novel and we learn about the love of his life, Mamah Borthwick Cheney, who has mostly been but a footnote in his biographies.  While this story is a piece of historical fiction and little is truly known about Mamah, she feels incredibly real in the context and backdrop of early European modernism, the first women’s movement, and FLW’s design and aesthetic.

We all have a general idea of who FLW is and the important visionary work of his architecture.  My life has been personally touched by his work as I went to school at Arizona State and a few of the buildings on campus were his design.  Because I was so intrigued with the buildings on campus I visited Talesin West nearby.  I love design, particularly modernism, and learning more about FLW really kicked in my interest for this book.  FLW is a demigod in the architecture world as he shaped an entire new way of looking at homes and our living space within them.  I can only imagine the challenge it would be to love and live with a giant as he was.  That alone could have been an interesting story.

The true star of this tale is totally Mamah.  She is not eclipsed by the big personality of the charming FLW.  In fact, she is a worthy lover, partner and friend in his life.  What I found so compelling about her is her inherent and undeniable need for passion in her life.  She forsakes what most women, including her own sister, only dream of.  A beautiful home in suburban Chicago, a devoted and supportive husband, and two charming children…in all accounts a very comfortable life.  She yearns to find what lights her up in all dimensions – intellectually, spiritually and within her heart.  As a woman who so fully lived her truth, I admired her tenacity and principles.  Yet, I know that I would have struggled far worse than Mamah did in her decisions and consequences.

I was also intrigued that Mamah was a suffragette who played at the periphery of the first women’s movement in the early 1900s.  She served as a translator to Ellen Key, a European contribution to the cause.  It was very fascinating to see Mamah’s thought process for living such a principled life and evaluating her life choices which often bumped between the very ideology that she so passionately supported, society’s expectations of women at the time, and all that is (and is not) to be a good mother.  The character that Nancy Horan portrays is extremely courageous, deeply soulful and taps on the essence of the heartache and intellect true to many fascinating women.

Even though this story is set around 1907-1914, many themes of this book still resonate today.  There certainly are a number of issues around the first women’s movement that never came to fruition (equal pay for equal work is one of them!), the need for one’s own money and space (Virginia Woolf can you hear me?), and the very early idea of celebrity and the hounding paparazzi.  It was great to see them in the context of history and brought me a new perspective.

But the very heart of this book is a wonderful love story between two fascinating characters – one an American idol and the other we see so fully in this elegantly written novel.  I came across this quote when I was finishing the book and feels like it is so appropriate for Frank and Mamah.

“I tell you, the more I think, the more I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.”   — Vincent Van Gogh

I hope that you will enjoy this book as much as I did.  I relished getting lost in its pages.  Pour a big glass of wine and enjoy!  Cheers friends!

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There’s some level of acceptance for me to get to, but I’m just not there yet.  I know that I need to and will lose the 10 pounds that I gained over the holidays.  Hell, bathing suit season is right around the SoCal corner.  And I know that if you saw me you’d say, “Shut up. You look fine.”  I’m just saying it’s all perspective, sister.  I want to feel good about the outside from the inside.

I need an immersion of reassurance.  That’s certainly what I found when I read Mary Beth William’s Mom’s First Nude Shoot.  It’s a story of how she got naked with her other 40-something, mommy poker friends for a photo shoot in Time Out (NY) magazine.  The story wasn’t about her feeling empowered (however, I hope that was a byproduct of the experience), but more to the point of having the courage to be looked at, and a level of vulnerability, grace, and acceptance of who she really is.  Yep, that was a courageous act, not just disrobing.  I’m not ready to play poker with those girls, but I really like the acceptance piece.

Maybe I need to go to Harbin again.  It was always a hideaway where I was confronted with nudity and reassured that I’m normal.  A trip to Harbin reminded me that there is a WIDE spectrum of body shapes and sizes, and I have no room to complain.  Sitting (naked) in those hot springs was always a good reset button on my body-mind-spirit.  Maybe I just need another trip to San Francisco again, where I always felt Nirvana “Come As You Are” is a theme song (but not the psycho gun part).

I want to feel comfortable in my skin not just for me, but on behalf of my boys.  Not that I go around parading my nudity, nor do I want to quickly cover or chide them for coming into my room when I’m getting dressed (well at least while they’re still young and it’s not weird).  I just want to feel proud of my body, all that it’s gone through, and all the strength it’s needed to get through this life.  I do love my life and I want to love my body.  It’s done good.  I want to be thankful and I am, I just want to remember to be more “hot stuff” and less “ugh” when I look in the mirror.  I think Husband most of all would appreciate the “hot stuff” part.

Yes, I’m doing my Sanity Friday three mile beach walk.  Yes, I’ve been going to Jazzercize for two weeks now.  I’m taking the positive steps to physically feel better about my body, which will likely produce great results for the psychological side.  I guess when it comes down to it, I just want to see more of what’s real (thank you Lizzie, thank you Bonnie, and yes! thank you Leonard Nimoy) and not so much of the pretending and pretentiousness that’s out there.  Like if we could all get naked, and go, “oh, there you are” with all the bumps, scars, rolls and moles that we all have.  Does this make me some kind of weird nudist?  Really, I just want to know that I’m normal.  Then again I’m not just another jen.  So who knows.

I too, MB, want to be real, vulnerable, and courageous.  I have the faith that when I leap, I’ll land (possibly bruised, battered, but never broken).  But I see your rub, it’s the initial fear, the doubt, and the shitty internal dialogue that is there.  I think I just need to strip down, take a long real look, breathe in acceptance, and say “thank you.”  It is just boobies after all and they’re mine.

But first I need a drink and listen to Joan again.  Cheers friends!

This post included in Real Life’s Your Life Your Blog

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So, I promise to write more about what movies and books are note worthy and what are not.  There’s a lot of both.  For movies lately, Husband and I both fell asleep to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.  I’m happy to report that he thinks Megan Fox is gross too.  And really, they needed to put her in a better bra in the end running scenes.  You’re teenage boy may like it (or any man, really); I just thought she was going to hurt herself.  The movie is an action-packed, graphic circus that really didn’t hold our interest.  But total boy-dom; which is good in that arena.  BigBoy can see it when he’s 10.

In chick flicks, I’ve recently seen New in Town and The Ugly Truth.  (Gerard Butler is HOTT.  Can I get an Amen?!?! That dance scene had me captivated and breathing heavy.)  The movies are the same:  sweet, charming and total girl-dom.  They are good for the heart and best to watch without your guymate, but they too would get a few laughs in both movies.  They’re not girl-gross (ok, maybe a little), but not that bad.

Avatar 2009 20th Century Fox

Not at the library yet, but at your local theaters is Avatar (yes, OMG, we went to the movies!  Thanks Mom & Dad!).  People, it is a MUST SEE. In 3-D.  Even if you don’t like science fiction or have no real interest in it, just please go anyway.  If you have any interest in movies at all, this movie is a game-changer and other movies will only aspire to come close to what’s created here.  What you will see is stunning!  It’s like when I first saw Star Wars or first heard (or felt) the sound in The Fugitive.  It’s memorable and unlike anything you’ve experienced.

James Cameron is simply a genius.  And to think he was a kid when this story first came into his mind.  What an AWESOME and grand imagination he has!  This work is visionary, created with new technology and methodology.  He has set a very high bar.  There’s a point in the movie where I leaned over to Husband and said, “This is why I read scifi. Because what can be created is so very outside our realm of what’s possible or what’s familiar.”  (not that I really said that in the theater, but I did say something close to it…it sounds better here.  I probably just yelled “This is rad!”).  I love when people’s minds stretch so very far from what we know (referring to Mr. Cameron, not me).  It’s extraordinary to me and awfully good entertainment.

Outside of all that is flashy and visually stunning is the story, which is also compelling.  You can read more about the plot here, but basically it’s a story of corporate greed, science and indigenous people.  It’s about the love of the earth, respecting other consciousness, and believing that there is some kind of tie to another spiritual realm.  You’ll take from it what you will.  Maybe you like the military conundrum when working with corporations.  Or maybe you’ll like the ethical dilemmas.  Anyway, the story holds up with or without the 3-D, but the 3-D makes it much more fun.

This is a movie to see again and again.  I mean how many times did we see Titanic?  God knows, I saw it 4 times in the theater.  It’s a classic and perfectly told tale with all the drama, action, and visual effects that anyone could enjoy.  So I think that if it takes Mr. Cameron 10+ years and that much money to make either movie, you’re gonna like it.  So see it now while it’s on the big screen.  Hell, go see it in IMAX if you can.

Aliens © 1986 Twentieth Century Fox

My final hurrah about Avatar – Sigourney Weaver is a badass.  She was back in the day and she still is.  If I ever had a girl, the name Sigourney would be on the list.  (I’m not having anymore children, I’m just saying)  I cracked up in the movie when I saw the Marines “driving” those robotic exoskeleton thingys and wondered if Sigourney said to anyone, “I was driving these things when you boys were in diapers!”  I’ve always loved her because the characters she plays are always close to who I think she is: smart, strong, sexy and beautiful in her own way…and can get herself (and others) out of trouble.  Yeah Sigourney!  I toast to you!  Cheers!  Now go see the movie.

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Ok look, it may simply be that any house guest that stays with us for 18 days I’d feel the same way about.  But this is Husband’s Mother and she comes from Toronto so I know she wants to stay and enjoy the boys for as long as she can.  I’m perfectly clear now (as if I wasn’t before) that she’s not here to spend time with me.  It is all about her son and grandkids.  I’m ancillary to the whole process.  However and strangely enough, I’m the one that’s home with her the most.  I guess I do have fantasies about us doing girly things together like shopping, laughing over lunch, or enjoying each other’s company, but I really need to reset my expectations.  Much, much lower.  We share so few interests.  Well, ok, except Husband and the kids, but that’s already been established.

I make great efforts at being a good daughter-in-law.  To prepare for her visit I get distilled water for her sleeping machine, I fill the cupboards with snacks, plan meals taking into consideration all the things she doesn’t like, put the beautiful flowers outside as not to aggravate her allergies, I wash all the sheets in detergent for sensitive skin.  I prepare every dinner and breakfast on the weekends.  I even ask her to plan and cook a dinner one or two days a week.  I invite her to my social events.  I go shopping with her at the big lady store and help her pick out clothes (that she usually buys).  I ask for parenting advice and honestly seek her input.  However, a thank you for dinner every once in a while would be nice.  Patting me on the back and saying that I’m doing a good job with the house, the kids, or my husband would be great too.  I feel like she makes zero effort toward our relationship or saying anything nice to me.  It’s like we just exist here together and my house is getting smaller with all the crap lying around.  God knows I’m not picking up after her too.  But I do try to contain it a bit.

After inviting her to three social events and her continually declining I asked why.  She said she just wanted to be “with her family.”  “But I’m your family too,” sounding more desperate than I wanted.  “Yeah, but I’m with you all day,” she replied.  Okay.  I get it.  And I need to let go that when she asks for family pictures before she leaves that I’m not included that either.

She’s an awesome Grandma.  She brings lots and lots of toys for the kids.  She eagerly puts them to bed, changes diapers, dresses them in the morning, reads them books and plays games.  I love that.  I really do.  I’m so glad that my kids will really know their Grammie & Grampie well.  They are also very generous when it comes to their gifts.  My FIL slept in our bed while we were away in Palm Springs over night (post coming!).  And ewww…yes, I was freaked out that he voluntarily slept there without an invitation or sheet change.  (But I’m working on getting over it!)  Anyway, for Christmas he decided to get us a new bed, a really nice one.  Very generous and so-not on my Christmas list.  But yes, thankful nonetheless.  Our old bed was (tainted now that he slept there) and lumpy.  And it was awesome that they were okay with Husband & I getting out of town for 24 hours.

I feel guilty in all my complaining.  Really, it could be worse.  I know that.

Truthfully I’m tired, frustrated and want to let these hurt feelings go.  I want to reorganize the house and claim it back!  I should have done more writing and yoga while she was here.  That would have helped.  I should have said the serenity prayer more.  That may have also helped.  I wish I didn’t sweat the small stuff with her here.  (Thanks Maria for the advice, you’re right.  I do need to shut up and get over it!)

I honestly did try the path of acceptance but found it really rocky and my feet are sore. I tried the path of avoidance and hid out in my room more.  That was nice.  I tried having a better sense of humor but all I could hear was my evil, dark angel on my shoulder saying things that I shouldn’t say out loud (it still helped me get through though).

Well, the one thing that I know I can control is how long she’ll be visiting next time.  I think 14 days is more than enough.   We will never do 18 days again while I’m a SAHM.  Who’s laughing now?  Me.  And yes, it’s my dark angel laugh.  I’m going to go pour a large of glass of wine.  To hell with it.  I don’t care that it’s 2:00.  I’m celebrating.  I learned my lesson.

P.S. Thank you to LOL Dogs for the image.  They are always good for a few laughs.

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No, I want to bask in the (what some would say is) trifling nonsense of New Moon.  Yes, this jen has even coordinated a GNO to celebrate.  I just want to turn myself in and say that yes, I’m swept up in the phenomenon and I’m okay with it.  It’s ridiculous and delicious!  I’m not a member of Twilight Moms, but I’m glad they have each other.  I’m with Sadie, a contributor to Jezebel (I love you, Jez!), let me have my fantasies!  There’s too much reality over here.  I don’t want to defend my squealing inner-thirteen year old.  She rarely rears her head and I’m happy that she’s here.

Even better, I’m looking forward to sharing this experience with my friends (old and new) and the tartlettes and teeny-boppers we’ll be sitting with in the theater.  I dunno it’s like a big mutual crush (whatever team you’re on) that we’re all experiencing together and it’s nice to have those feelings and be able to share them with others.  I guess that’s apart of the appeal too – the sweet innocence that Stephanie Meyers has so undoubtedly captured.  Yeah, it’s corny.  I won’t deny that.  I take delight in the fact that my Sista Sista won’t go because it would be rude to do her Mystery Science 3000 version while at the theater.  But boy oh boy, do I look forward to drinking with her and doing the DVD version of it!  I just like that she respects the mania and will still have fun with it too.

I had better taste in music to have been swept up in the boy band phenom or maybe that’s my snobbery of the time and maybe I’ve lowered my standards.  But no, I shall continue my reluctant defense because of what I read last night in Salon (oh how I love thee!).  Sarah Helpola writes in “Twilight of Our Youth” (funny f’n picture, btw!) about thirtysomething Charlotte who just joined the party after watching Twilight on cable.  I wholeheartedly agree with Charlotte when she says, “Reading is an act of defiance in the world today. I owe Stephenie Meyer a thank you note for reminding me of that.”  I’m an avid reader and am not scared of big books.  However for many to get through the 2400+ pages of the series, I’ll gladly give them that Brownie badge to finish the books with excitement and vigor.  Way to go, girls!  Especially if you have the ‘distraction’ of children, home, husband and work.

Okay, so maybe I will check out Twilight Mom’s reading list, but I won’t sign up.  And maybe I am tempted to buy that darling charm necklace as I’ll admit to the fantasy and think it’s funny (I also love supporting women’s small businesses!).  I didn’t buy a t-shirt for our GNO because, quite frankly, I couldn’t decide whose team I’m on and I don’t want to.  I like it all and I’m happy to share it share it with my inner squealer.  It’s nice to see her again.  Cheers girls (but that’s a virgin daiquiri for her)!

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Honestly, I do it so I’ll clean my house.  And I ask people on the evite not to judge me if they find cheerios in the carpet, because they probably will.  I’m only surface cleaning and those little suckers get really stuck in there!  So I do the best cleaning job I can do in three hours (and let me tell you, my house really can really use it!).

I also have come to accept that I love entertaining.  And quite frankly, if I didn’t have HHH, I probably wouldn’t see these awesome women as much.  And I need them!  The women that show up for these, well some are close friends, some are friends that I wish I were closer to, and others are women that I just met.  I figure us Moms have got to stick together.  We need laughter, support, and group of gals that just get it.  So if I can create an environment where that happens (and it does) then I’m all smiles.  I love doing the hostess thing, making sure that everyone has a full glass and something to eat.  I love introducing people to each other and watch the afternoon unfold.

Typically about two glasses in, I stop and listen to the mania.  I laugh.  The kids are playing , the moms are having a good time.  All is well.  Am I always full of grace and ease at these things?  Hell No.  But I always see HHH as an opportunity to practice that.  Some kids drive me crazy, some kids are too loud, and some kids break things.  And sometimes there are even Mommies that are a little awkward too.  I feel like I’m inside my own personal, social randori and my job is to relax, keep my sense of humor, and make sure the afternoon is flowing well.  That’s fun for me and it’s also a great learning experience too.  Cause yes, sometimes I want to freak out on the kid who is jumping on my coffee table.

The thing that I most appreciate is the women that show up.  It’s always the right group and it’s never the exact same people either.  Most people are at ease here.  It’s okay to come late, it’s okay to bring a friend, it’s okay to bring some food and more wine and it’s also okay if you don’t.  When we’re here we look out for each other’s kids and give hugs when someone stumbles.  We offer advice, support, alternative thinking, and love to each other when needed.  Hanging out at HHH, I feel like there is a Sisterhood or a Motherhood that just feels good.  I hope that’s a feeling that everyone gets when they come.  And they too can relax in the mania.  Because isn’t that a large part of what Motherhood is?

Cheers friends and let me know when you’re in my hood.  I’d love to fill your glass.

P.S.  A big shout out to Anne Taintor who always makes me laugh.  I’m a big fan!

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So I went to my 20 year high school reunion this past weekend.  Really there was no reason not to go.  It was within driving distance and I was going to share the hotel room with a friend.  After all, I was reminded over and over from my GBF (who did not attend, btw) that I had missed our 10 year reunion and made him go.  (No, I am not bitter)  Back to the point at hand, I had such a spectacular time and honestly, I am a bit surprised.

My GBF was bound and determined not to go because he felt strongly that the people from high school that were meaningful were already involved in his life.  I think a part of it was that he didn’t want to explain to dozens of people that in fact, he is gay.  That was the question most asked of me when I explained that my GBF and I lived together for years and remained very close.  My answer was always, “Yes he is, but we all already knew that, didn’t we?”  C’mon people.

I saw the reunion as an opportunity to reconnect, share some stories, and hopefully have my mind changed about who I thought people were.  We all had our high school drama growing up, didn’t we?  In high school, we make presumptions about people.  We were friends with some, but not others for stupid reasons.  We categorized people and I’m sure people did the same with me.  I arrived at GHS as a new girl from Texas whose skirt was regulation height, however at my new school there were no teachers measuring skirts.  I will never forget seeing a girl with a bathing suit top covered by a Corona tank top sitting in front of me on my first day of school.  I was both appalled and delighted by the new fashion (or lack thereof) opportunities.  Please know the anxiety of fitting in was always present for this new girl.

The reunion was no exception.  Of course my first thoughts were, “what am I going to wear?!?!”  After charging up a storm to find just the right dress and shoes, I settled on a dress I thought was relaxed and pretty, more fun and less vavavoom.  (Thanks Lola and boys for your input and yes, I returned –reluctantly- the other dresses and shoes.)  Once that was settled, I wanted to give some thought about how to answer the cursory questions one would ask after not seeing you over the last 20 years.  How do you briefly sum up your life so that it’s a bit more funny and refreshing than reporting your status (married w/two children, living in San Diego).  And what questions would I ask?  I only went to GHS for two years, so I was particularly concerned if I was even going to recognize people there, let alone remember their names.  And you should know, that when I moved I landed in a particularly great group of people – friendly, fun, good students in a sheltered suburb of L.A.

I have to say some of the most awkward moments of the reunion were in the beginning.  I felt like a Seinfield episode was playing out in a moment and I was caught between the discomfort and wanting to bust out laughing not knowing what to do.  Let me explain…My friend Kerri, reunion organizer and childhood resident of our town (read: she should know everyone!), hosted a champagne pre-party in her room.  Our group of girlfriends showed up first, but shortly thereafter another group of girls joined the party.  I somewhat recognized them, but should have brushed up on my yearbook to have remembered their names.  They were the more studious girls and had their own clique.  I don’t think I ever really talked to them in school as we were just in different circles.  As they arrived, hugs were going all around, but I was riddled with questions and anxiety!  Look, I’m friendly and love meeting new people, but I froze in etiquette confusion.  To hug or not to hug…that was the question.

What was the appropriate level of greeting enthusiasm for people that I barely knew 20 years ago?  Of course, I automatically leaned in for a mild hug because she’s hugging toward me and I didn’t want it to be weird.  But really, do you hug someone whose name you don’t know in any other circumstance?  Does the shared experience of going the same school or knowing each others’ faces because you were alphabetically arranged near each other for a year (lockers, class rooms, graduation, etc.) grant hug status?  I wasn’t sure and honestly a little freaked out about how to progress through the night.  I decided a friendly hello would be my greeting to those faces that looked somewhat familiar.  I wasn’t going in for the hug unless I really knew them and meant it.  Kerri, during our post-reunion re-hash, laughed about the discomfort of having her picture taken with someone she doesn’t think she said more than a dozen words to in the past 30 years.

I got to say thanks to the guy who asked me on my first date.  I got to offer condolences to a friend whose twin brother had passed away.  I laughed so hard with my prom date and we shared some true confessions over a drink (nothing sexy you dirty minds!).  I was surprised by how incredible the women looked and how some people’s sense of humor never left.  I got to dance with my girls and rehash some great stories.  I let go of some stupid high school grudges and things that were said many years ago.  I gave myself and others an opportunity for a fresh start.  And I learned a new way to chase tequila shots (with tomato juice…kills the burn!).

Looking back over the night, I wish I didn’t hesitate with the hug and I wished I would have figured out the stunning mystery blonde sooner so that I could have talked with her.  Certainly I will always have uncertainty about some things, but I’m okay with it because the night was a great celebration of community and shared experience.  The friends that decided not to go (or couldn’t) were sorely missed.  And yes, my hair was blonde in high school, but hasn’t been for a very long time (the odd and second most asked question of the night).  Cheers GHS and thanks for a great night to remember!

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However yesterday there was an incredible theme to my day that kept rearing its head and would not go away.  So there’s a lesson here for me to hear.  Hopefully it will make sense to you as my writing skills are still developing.

It all starts with Jon Gosselin.  I really don’t want to talk about it all that much because the thought of giving either Jon or Kate anymore airtime makes me want to vomit.  This is just a place to start the story.  However, I begin with the quote for the day.

“I took a lot of abuse from her. I was put down,” Jon Gosselin tells ABC’s Chris Cuomo in an interview set to air next week.”

He bugs me so terribly that two words come to mind.  Douchebag and Fuktard (thank you Sista Sista for that great word!).

I dunno. Do you think that Guy Ritchie has been mouthing off to the press that Madonna told him what to do?  To me, the simple fact of the matter is that he (both Jon and Guy) married a strong woman.  [can’t stand the thought of putting Madonna and Kate in the same sentence.  Madonna is The Queen afterall.  However, Kate’s got 8 kids.  She’s remained (somewhat) upbeat, attractive, and appears she hasn’t lost her mind yet.  She’s on the road to sainthood in my book. But how many kids does Madonna have now??? Anyway, I digress…]   I suspect that being attracted to a strong woman is probably what attracted those guys in the first place and I suspect that same quality is what also did them in.

So why does Jon have to publicly wail and lick his wounds?  In Las Vegas or Nice of all places?  Does he ever watch old episodes?  I’d yell at him too if he was moping around with that attitude and not keeping up.  Kate runs a tight ship, but the gal gets the job done.  There are eight kids, afterall!  I only have two and I think organizing and getting the kids underway everyday is tough!  Get on board or get off, I say.  However, why play the victim?  Or the playboy?  Go away, Jon.  Recover.  But keep the kids in perspective, Buddy.  You’re losing at your own game.  Go home., Jon.  Chill out with the kids and don’t pick up the phone.  I swear, he is like a bad drunk at a party.  You just want to tell the guy to go home before it gets any worse.

Strangely, Jon really got me thinking (along with some other conversations with friends along the day).  How stupid are we all?  We complain about the very thing that we asked for and then we don’t take responsibility for our relationships taking a downturn.  That doesn’t seem right to me.  For example, we (I think I’m not the only one who’s done this) fall in love with someone and that very quality that we loved is now what we say is pulling us a part.  We fall in love with someone that is…strong…or dependable, and we have a whole story, psychobabble, and reasons for why we want what we want.  We justify.  And then months or sometimes years, it is that very quality that we start complaining about.  What is wrong with us?  I am an idiot.

I can see me doing that with my husband.  He is Steady Eddy.  It is one of his best qualities.  I am learning (oh how I’m learning…) that strong and steady wins the race.  However, if I am to complain about him there are plenty of stories of me rebelling against his some of his biggest strengths.

I mean, didn’t we realize what we signed up for?  It’s not like the person has really gone and changed all that much.  Maybe I’ve changed or my perspective has just changed.  Sometimes that sucks.  Really badly sucks.  But if you’re committed (in the sense that divorce is not an option ) then you probably have to work your shit out.  Communication is always going to be the answer the question, “So what’s missing?”  And I’m learning that generally starts with me needing to communicate more.  (like hey Jen, why are you writing a blog and not talking to your husband more…duh!)

So I’ve set up game night on Monday nights.  I’m committed to putting the kids down at 8:00 (earlier if I can make it work so I’m downstairs at that time).  Husband and I have fell in love playing cards or pool, so it’s a good way of spending time together.  Plus we both like to win and it’s a great metaphor for our relationship.  Monday was our first night. We played rummicube.  It ending up being a very good night (eventhough I lost).

The second thing I know that I need to be doing is to sing praises in my heart and out loud of the things that I love or appreciate about my husband.  I’m practicing to have more positive thoughts in and around him then those shitty, complaining, whining thoughts about him (or our relationship).  Remember, Pollyanna had a very happy life.  And if it works , I’ll do it.  I want the scales to tip in the positive direction.  Stay tuned…I’m sure I’ll write more about my struggles in this lesson.

So when we’re all stressed out about our relationships and not feeling like we’re getting what we want.  Or the other person is this that or the other thing (I’m saying this out  loud as much for my own benefit as my friends from yesterday) I think it’s important to, yes as cliché as it is or as painful as it may be, count your blessings and talk.  Why is this so hard for so many of us.  It seems simple.  Simple, but not easy.

So friends, thank you for helping me sort my shit out.  I’m going to have a very well deserved glass of wine and will be thinking good thoughts of you.  Cheers, friends!

P.S.  I think Guy Ritchie is hawt and a king in another life and time I would have gladly served.  Jon is still a douchebag even though I am an idiot too.  Go home Jon and out of the spotlight.  We don’t want to hear it anymore.

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