Between marriage and motherhood and the day to day shuffle, I feel as though pieces of me have slipped away and when I see them now and again, I’m pleasantly surprised.  It’s like bumping into an old friend and picking up where we left off.

Sometimes it takes good friends to help you remember and sometimes it is simply a stranger.  Those sweet little moments and interactions when I am reminded of the pieces of me are still around are moments of divine intervention.  On the verge of turning the Big 4-0, that was a MUCH NEEDED reconnection.  I relish the instant recognition of “oh here I am” and say thank you to the genius of the moment.

Maybe it’s not that pieces of me slip away, maybe they just get tucked away in little drawers.  I am all here all the time; I just forget what drawer I put the piece in.  It’s always nice to stumble upon it.  It’s the same kind of joy when you find a $20 bill in a coat from last winter.  I get giddy and giggle.  It’s not uncommon to hear me laugh to myself and it’s not necessarily because I found a dollar in my pocket.

I think that’s the coolest thing about getting older. I am becoming more and more of me all the time.  More solid and sure of what I am and who I am.  I’m pretty aware of my past disappointments and sadness.  I’ve washed out that baggage and now they are tucked neatly in its drawer.  I’ve learned from those lessons and now I’m living my life with joy in the forefront, happy in my skin and what lay before me. I am savoring the good parts and working on those things that I need to change.  There is still work to do, but I’m content to be doing the work because of my faith that life only keeps getting better.

This reminds me evermore about my favorite Henry Miller quote: The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.  Well I certainly got that this past weekend.

On this Thankful Thursday, I want to give a shout out to Veronyka at Moving Body Fitness, the Parmely Sisters and our bride-to-be’s buddies.  Last weekend was a f*cking fantastic weekend of drunken awareness for which I will long-time be grateful.  Cheers ladies.

For more Wordless Wednesday goodness, check out these other fine bloggy goddesses.

]]> http://notjustanotherjen.com/2011/06/wordless-wednesday-woman-in-flames/feed/ 0 http://notjustanotherjen.com/2011/06/sista-sista-an-ode-to-shane/ http://notjustanotherjen.com/2011/06/sista-sista-an-ode-to-shane/#comments Mon, 06 Jun 2011 17:52:50 +0000 NotJustAnotherJen http://notjustanotherjen.com/?p=2252 An ode to woman for which you shouldn’t be surprised Because we come from the same cloth, Shane Parmely, you and I. We are true sisters from a long away tribe that had feistiness and spriteliness and goddess inside. For you see my all of me, the warts and beauty within you bring out my...]]>

I love them. I hate them. I love them. And I'm DAMN proud to be the 4th sister!

An ode to woman for which you shouldn’t be surprised
Because we come from the same cloth, Shane Parmely, you and I.

We are true sisters from a long away tribe
that had feistiness and spriteliness and goddess inside.
For you see my all of me, the warts and beauty within
you bring out my sexiness and happiness and skin!

For you, I am greatful* and thrilled that we’re friends,
but truly I know we are sisters of kin.

And your sisters are my sisters and friends of friends
For when we are together, may the good times never end!
For you are a very happy spot in my life
That is forever truthful and mighty and I take in stride

But one thing’s for sure and will not deny
You are my sista sista
and friend
you and I

Inspired by the outrageous group of women at Sister Anna’s Palm Spring 1^st Annual Bachelorette Party.  Cheers ladies and friends of friends!

*yes, goddammit I know I misspelled the word

And if you want to easily avoid that “hell if I know” response with your doctor while they roll their eyes at you, I have an app for you. Since my Christmas arrival of the iPhone 4, I’m now a cool kid and into all sorts of apps for my phone. Have you heard of iPeriod yet? It’s a menstrual-tracking application that is too easy to use.

iPeriod tracks and charts your next expected period date, average cycle length, and average duration. Knowing that information, it can also track when you most likely ovulate.

I have a friend who already has two kids and doesn’t necessarily want any more, however she is not using any contraceptive device (for lazy reasons). I am practically begging her to start tracking her menstrual cycle on iPeriod. Because it shows when you’re ovulating, if you’re trying to get pregnant or avoid it, iPeriod clearly displays when to take your best shot or not (so to speak).

You can also track your symptoms (flow, cramps, moods, weight gain, bloating, cravings, etc.) to further impress your doctor. In my pre-menopausal state and on-going forgetfulness, I can now load my doctor up with TMI. Actually, my doctor loves that I have all this information, particularly because I am on natural hormone creams; this kind of data is really important to my customization. I also really like that you can track “love connections” (aka sexual intercourse) so I map my flow to my urges (or lack thereof), which is an important adjustment that I can also make with my creams.

I read a great review that talks about how great this application is even for women with incredibly unpredictable periods. As predictable as mine have always been, I hadn’t been keeping track and sometimes Aunt Flo pays a surprise visit. Now, I know exactly when to be prepared.

If knowledge is power and women taking control of our own bodies is important to you, then pay the $1.99 and get this application for your iPhone (also available on the iPad…oh the pun!) The main functionality is there for the free version, but for less than a cup of coffee you can get so much more.

iPeriod is certainly one of my favorite apps on my phone. It’s incredibly informative and I’m not left wondering when my next period is going to sneak up on me. I feel prepared and well-informed.

Ladies, check it out. This may be something you didn’t know you were missing.

Cheers!

Well I have two wonderful sons that have blown the lid off of the kind of mother I thought I would be.  The transition to Motherhood wasn’t easy for me.  I knew I was biologically and physiologically built to have kids and I was capable (this girl has always had mother hips).  But the emotional turmoil, spiritual growth, and constant learning, learning, learning I’ve been doing has turned me upside down and inside out.  I have, through being a Mom, been reborn.

Like Madonna, Motherhood is a whole new transformation of self, but hopefully without the cone-shaped bra.  Remember when she went from Like a Virgin to Like a Prayer?  And then she cut her hair on the next album…oh I remember the horror.  It was traumatic!  For me, motherhood was (and continues to be) scary, empowering and beautiful (which is exactly how I feel about Madge today).

This year My Mommy Manual (have I mentioned how much I LOVE them?) is holding their second virtual baby shower for which I am co-hosting.  The theme this year is A Mom is Born (because it’s not just a baby that arrives).  The celebration is for KMOV news anchor, Virginia Kerr, who is expecting a boy and due October 15^th.  The idea behind the shower is to celebrate and honor the transition of becoming a mother, particularly with the support of her friends and family.

I have been bowled over from the incredible love and strength that I’ve received from my fellow mommies through the years.  If I didn’t have the awesome community of women of that I have or a few choice tunes on my iPod, I could be in an institution.  I swear.

What’s so great about this virtual baby shower is that you too can participate!  There are a great number of ways join in.

First, join us for the virtual shower Wednesday, August 25 from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. CST. Anyone with internet access can attend virtually, interacting in real time with Virginia and hosts via a live chat room during the online broadcast. The shower will be aired live on www.MomIsBorn.com.

Any mom will enjoy the event because the two-hour broadcast will feature great parenting tips and products.  Top tips for new moms will also be shared, which are being collected on the MomIsBorn site prior to the broadcast.  Each tip offered is an entry into the Mom is Born giveaway raffle. Raffle prizes have been generously donated by the shower sponsors, which include Kolcraft & Build-A-Bear.

Wouldn’t be cool to hear them read your top tip for a new mom during the broadcast?  You know you’ve got something to share on how you survived the beginning (and still do).  Or are you one of those awesome moms that motherhood for you is a piece of cake?  We love you too (lucky lady), but I’m sure you’ve got ideas as well.

This year the shower will benefit the March of Dimes.  I’ve often heard of this charity, but until now I didn’t know their actual mission.  March of Dimes is the leading nonprofit for pregnancy and baby health.  They are dedicated to improving the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth and infant mortality.  It’s probably a good idea to cough up $20 and donate.  Won’t you please?

Other ways you can support March of Dimes through this event:

• Make a donation via donate button on my home page.  Plus, it will make me look good.  I’m not gonna lie.  And thank you.
• Buy a Holding Hands bracelet for yourself or a loved one.  My Mommy Manual has asked a commissioned artist, Villa Design, to create a signature charm as a symbol of the connectedness between all mothers and the strength moms can source from each other.  It is an especially touching gift for an expecting mom to wear during her labor and delivery, as a reminder of the support she has from her closest women friends — who are invited to add their own Pandora-style bead and an accompanying wish. A portion of the proceeds will go to the March of Dimes.  More information about the bracelet can be found at MomIsBorn.
• Support A Mom Is Born sponsors: Build-A-Bear Workshop, Kolcraft, Goodnite Rooms, Pixie Posie Photography and our Venue Sponsor, Overlook Farm.

This coming Wednesday, come hang out with us during the virtual baby shower.  Let’s celebrate Virginia and all the women joining the transition into Motherhood.  There is beauty in numbers and in the support of women.  Cheers!

Is there anything wrong?  Nope, not really.  I just don’t feel like talking right now.

Is there anything you can do?  Nope.  Just let me mope.  I’ll obsess over stupid American Idol and Bejeweled.  It will pass in a few days just like Baby’s cough.

My horoscope even confirms my mood.  “At heart, you’re basically a very social animal. You love nothing better than being with kindred spirits who understand you — which isn’t always easy to come by, since you’re much smarter than the average bear. So once you find those soul mates, you’ll do anything to keep them happy. And handy. You’re in a very different mood right now, though, and it might feel unfamiliar. You want to hibernate, make the world go away. Don’t worry, you’re not losing your mind. This is normal.”

Let’s not dwell on it.  But please, tell me.  From time to time you feel this way too, n’est pas?  Comments most welcomed.

Overall, I found I was terribly moved by the ending of this story.  C’mon, if I shed a tear at the close of the tale, the damn thing was good.  I felt such an emotional connection to the main characters that not only was it hard to let them go at the end of the book, but the tragic conclusion left me very unsettled.

Loving Frank is a love story of two strong forces that took an unconventional path of love for better AND for worse.  We get a glimpse of Frank Lloyd Wright, the well known American icon, and through Nancy Horan’s freshman novel and we learn about the love of his life, Mamah Borthwick Cheney, who has mostly been but a footnote in his biographies.  While this story is a piece of historical fiction and little is truly known about Mamah, she feels incredibly real in the context and backdrop of early European modernism, the first women’s movement, and FLW’s design and aesthetic.

We all have a general idea of who FLW is and the important visionary work of his architecture.  My life has been personally touched by his work as I went to school at Arizona State and a few of the buildings on campus were his design.  Because I was so intrigued with the buildings on campus I visited Talesin West nearby.  I love design, particularly modernism, and learning more about FLW really kicked in my interest for this book.  FLW is a demigod in the architecture world as he shaped an entire new way of looking at homes and our living space within them.  I can only imagine the challenge it would be to love and live with a giant as he was.  That alone could have been an interesting story.

The true star of this tale is totally Mamah.  She is not eclipsed by the big personality of the charming FLW.  In fact, she is a worthy lover, partner and friend in his life.  What I found so compelling about her is her inherent and undeniable need for passion in her life.  She forsakes what most women, including her own sister, only dream of.  A beautiful home in suburban Chicago, a devoted and supportive husband, and two charming children…in all accounts a very comfortable life.  She yearns to find what lights her up in all dimensions – intellectually, spiritually and within her heart.  As a woman who so fully lived her truth, I admired her tenacity and principles.  Yet, I know that I would have struggled far worse than Mamah did in her decisions and consequences.

I was also intrigued that Mamah was a suffragette who played at the periphery of the first women’s movement in the early 1900s.  She served as a translator to Ellen Key, a European contribution to the cause.  It was very fascinating to see Mamah’s thought process for living such a principled life and evaluating her life choices which often bumped between the very ideology that she so passionately supported, society’s expectations of women at the time, and all that is (and is not) to be a good mother.  The character that Nancy Horan portrays is extremely courageous, deeply soulful and taps on the essence of the heartache and intellect true to many fascinating women.

Even though this story is set around 1907-1914, many themes of this book still resonate today.  There certainly are a number of issues around the first women’s movement that never came to fruition (equal pay for equal work is one of them!), the need for one’s own money and space (Virginia Woolf can you hear me?), and the very early idea of celebrity and the hounding paparazzi.  It was great to see them in the context of history and brought me a new perspective.

But the very heart of this book is a wonderful love story between two fascinating characters – one an American idol and the other we see so fully in this elegantly written novel.  I came across this quote when I was finishing the book and feels like it is so appropriate for Frank and Mamah.

“I tell you, the more I think, the more I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.”   — Vincent Van Gogh

I hope that you will enjoy this book as much as I did.  I relished getting lost in its pages.  Pour a big glass of wine and enjoy!  Cheers friends!

There’s some level of acceptance for me to get to, but I’m just not there yet.  I know that I need to and will lose the 10 pounds that I gained over the holidays.  Hell, bathing suit season is right around the SoCal corner.  And I know that if you saw me you’d say, “Shut up. You look fine.”  I’m just saying it’s all perspective, sister.  I want to feel good about the outside from the inside.

I need an immersion of reassurance.  That’s certainly what I found when I read Mary Beth William’s Mom’s First Nude Shoot.  It’s a story of how she got naked with her other 40-something, mommy poker friends for a photo shoot in Time Out (NY) magazine.  The story wasn’t about her feeling empowered (however, I hope that was a byproduct of the experience), but more to the point of having the courage to be looked at, and a level of vulnerability, grace, and acceptance of who she really is.  Yep, that was a courageous act, not just disrobing.  I’m not ready to play poker with those girls, but I really like the acceptance piece.

Maybe I need to go to Harbin again.  It was always a hideaway where I was confronted with nudity and reassured that I’m normal.  A trip to Harbin reminded me that there is a WIDE spectrum of body shapes and sizes, and I have no room to complain.  Sitting (naked) in those hot springs was always a good reset button on my body-mind-spirit.  Maybe I just need another trip to San Francisco again, where I always felt Nirvana “Come As You Are” is a theme song (but not the psycho gun part).

I want to feel comfortable in my skin not just for me, but on behalf of my boys.  Not that I go around parading my nudity, nor do I want to quickly cover or chide them for coming into my room when I’m getting dressed (well at least while they’re still young and it’s not weird).  I just want to feel proud of my body, all that it’s gone through, and all the strength it’s needed to get through this life.  I do love my life and I want to love my body.  It’s done good.  I want to be thankful and I am, I just want to remember to be more “hot stuff” and less “ugh” when I look in the mirror.  I think Husband most of all would appreciate the “hot stuff” part.

Yes, I’m doing my Sanity Friday three mile beach walk.  Yes, I’ve been going to Jazzercize for two weeks now.  I’m taking the positive steps to physically feel better about my body, which will likely produce great results for the psychological side.  I guess when it comes down to it, I just want to see more of what’s real (thank you Lizzie, thank you Bonnie, and yes! thank you Leonard Nimoy) and not so much of the pretending and pretentiousness that’s out there.  Like if we could all get naked, and go, “oh, there you are” with all the bumps, scars, rolls and moles that we all have.  Does this make me some kind of weird nudist?  Really, I just want to know that I’m normal.  Then again I’m not just another jen.  So who knows.

I too, MB, want to be real, vulnerable, and courageous.  I have the faith that when I leap, I’ll land (possibly bruised, battered, but never broken).  But I see your rub, it’s the initial fear, the doubt, and the shitty internal dialogue that is there.  I think I just need to strip down, take a long real look, breathe in acceptance, and say “thank you.”  It is just boobies after all and they’re mine.

But first I need a drink and listen to Joan again.  Cheers friends!

This post included in Real Life’s Your Life Your Blog

So, I promise to write more about what movies and books are note worthy and what are not.  There’s a lot of both.  For movies lately, Husband and I both fell asleep to Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.  I’m happy to report that he thinks Megan Fox is gross too.  And really, they needed to put her in a better bra in the end running scenes.  You’re teenage boy may like it (or any man, really); I just thought she was going to hurt herself.  The movie is an action-packed, graphic circus that really didn’t hold our interest.  But total boy-dom; which is good in that arena.  BigBoy can see it when he’s 10.

In chick flicks, I’ve recently seen New in Town and The Ugly Truth.  (Gerard Butler is HOTT.  Can I get an Amen?!?! That dance scene had me captivated and breathing heavy.)  The movies are the same:  sweet, charming and total girl-dom.  They are good for the heart and best to watch without your guymate, but they too would get a few laughs in both movies.  They’re not girl-gross (ok, maybe a little), but not that bad.

Avatar 2009 20th Century Fox

Not at the library yet, but at your local theaters is Avatar (yes, OMG, we went to the movies!  Thanks Mom & Dad!).  People, it is a MUST SEE. In 3-D.  Even if you don’t like science fiction or have no real interest in it, just please go anyway.  If you have any interest in movies at all, this movie is a game-changer and other movies will only aspire to come close to what’s created here.  What you will see is stunning!  It’s like when I first saw Star Wars or first heard (or felt) the sound in The Fugitive.  It’s memorable and unlike anything you’ve experienced.

James Cameron is simply a genius.  And to think he was a kid when this story first came into his mind.  What an AWESOME and grand imagination he has!  This work is visionary, created with new technology and methodology.  He has set a very high bar.  There’s a point in the movie where I leaned over to Husband and said, “This is why I read scifi. Because what can be created is so very outside our realm of what’s possible or what’s familiar.”  (not that I really said that in the theater, but I did say something close to it…it sounds better here.  I probably just yelled “This is rad!”).  I love when people’s minds stretch so very far from what we know (referring to Mr. Cameron, not me).  It’s extraordinary to me and awfully good entertainment.

Outside of all that is flashy and visually stunning is the story, which is also compelling.  You can read more about the plot here, but basically it’s a story of corporate greed, science and indigenous people.  It’s about the love of the earth, respecting other consciousness, and believing that there is some kind of tie to another spiritual realm.  You’ll take from it what you will.  Maybe you like the military conundrum when working with corporations.  Or maybe you’ll like the ethical dilemmas.  Anyway, the story holds up with or without the 3-D, but the 3-D makes it much more fun.

This is a movie to see again and again.  I mean how many times did we see Titanic?  God knows, I saw it 4 times in the theater.  It’s a classic and perfectly told tale with all the drama, action, and visual effects that anyone could enjoy.  So I think that if it takes Mr. Cameron 10+ years and that much money to make either movie, you’re gonna like it.  So see it now while it’s on the big screen.  Hell, go see it in IMAX if you can.

Aliens © 1986 Twentieth Century Fox

My final hurrah about Avatar – Sigourney Weaver is a badass.  She was back in the day and she still is.  If I ever had a girl, the name Sigourney would be on the list.  (I’m not having anymore children, I’m just saying)  I cracked up in the movie when I saw the Marines “driving” those robotic exoskeleton thingys and wondered if Sigourney said to anyone, “I was driving these things when you boys were in diapers!”  I’ve always loved her because the characters she plays are always close to who I think she is: smart, strong, sexy and beautiful in her own way…and can get herself (and others) out of trouble.  Yeah Sigourney!  I toast to you!  Cheers!  Now go see the movie.

Ok look, it may simply be that any house guest that stays with us for 18 days I’d feel the same way about.  But this is Husband’s Mother and she comes from Toronto so I know she wants to stay and enjoy the boys for as long as she can.  I’m perfectly clear now (as if I wasn’t before) that she’s not here to spend time with me.  It is all about her son and grandkids.  I’m ancillary to the whole process.  However and strangely enough, I’m the one that’s home with her the most.  I guess I do have fantasies about us doing girly things together like shopping, laughing over lunch, or enjoying each other’s company, but I really need to reset my expectations.  Much, much lower.  We share so few interests.  Well, ok, except Husband and the kids, but that’s already been established.

I make great efforts at being a good daughter-in-law.  To prepare for her visit I get distilled water for her sleeping machine, I fill the cupboards with snacks, plan meals taking into consideration all the things she doesn’t like, put the beautiful flowers outside as not to aggravate her allergies, I wash all the sheets in detergent for sensitive skin.  I prepare every dinner and breakfast on the weekends.  I even ask her to plan and cook a dinner one or two days a week.  I invite her to my social events.  I go shopping with her at the big lady store and help her pick out clothes (that she usually buys).  I ask for parenting advice and honestly seek her input.  However, a thank you for dinner every once in a while would be nice.  Patting me on the back and saying that I’m doing a good job with the house, the kids, or my husband would be great too.  I feel like she makes zero effort toward our relationship or saying anything nice to me.  It’s like we just exist here together and my house is getting smaller with all the crap lying around.  God knows I’m not picking up after her too.  But I do try to contain it a bit.

After inviting her to three social events and her continually declining I asked why.  She said she just wanted to be “with her family.”  “But I’m your family too,” sounding more desperate than I wanted.  “Yeah, but I’m with you all day,” she replied.  Okay.  I get it.  And I need to let go that when she asks for family pictures before she leaves that I’m not included that either.

She’s an awesome Grandma.  She brings lots and lots of toys for the kids.  She eagerly puts them to bed, changes diapers, dresses them in the morning, reads them books and plays games.  I love that.  I really do.  I’m so glad that my kids will really know their Grammie & Grampie well.  They are also very generous when it comes to their gifts.  My FIL slept in our bed while we were away in Palm Springs over night (post coming!).  And ewww…yes, I was freaked out that he voluntarily slept there without an invitation or sheet change.  (But I’m working on getting over it!)  Anyway, for Christmas he decided to get us a new bed, a really nice one.  Very generous and so-not on my Christmas list.  But yes, thankful nonetheless.  Our old bed was (tainted now that he slept there) and lumpy.  And it was awesome that they were okay with Husband & I getting out of town for 24 hours.

I feel guilty in all my complaining.  Really, it could be worse.  I know that.

Truthfully I’m tired, frustrated and want to let these hurt feelings go.  I want to reorganize the house and claim it back!  I should have done more writing and yoga while she was here.  That would have helped.  I should have said the serenity prayer more.  That may have also helped.  I wish I didn’t sweat the small stuff with her here.  (Thanks Maria for the advice, you’re right.  I do need to shut up and get over it!)

I honestly did try the path of acceptance but found it really rocky and my feet are sore. I tried the path of avoidance and hid out in my room more.  That was nice.  I tried having a better sense of humor but all I could hear was my evil, dark angel on my shoulder saying things that I shouldn’t say out loud (it still helped me get through though).

Well, the one thing that I know I can control is how long she’ll be visiting next time.  I think 14 days is more than enough.   We will never do 18 days again while I’m a SAHM.  Who’s laughing now?  Me.  And yes, it’s my dark angel laugh.  I’m going to go pour a large of glass of wine.  To hell with it.  I don’t care that it’s 2:00.  I’m celebrating.  I learned my lesson.

P.S. Thank you to LOL Dogs for the image.  They are always good for a few laughs.